Reboot 2.0

I have been thinking about this blog lately, and how I've neglected it.  I've been reading through a lot of my past posts, and it seems that I had a lot of anger and depression in years past.  Tempered of course, by sarcasm, which is probably my saving grace.

A lot has changed since my last posts.  I am now a working attorney and have my own firm, shared with another attorney.  We are partners in our practice, and I enjoy working with her.  I've known her for several years, and it has been about a year and a half since we decided to make it official and merge our independent businesses into one, fabulous, partnership.

My daughter is now 13 years old -- a teenager!  Reading past posts when she was 6 and 7 years old made me smile because I was glad I had the hindsight (foresight?) to write a bit about her, instead of focusing so egocentrically on myself.

Still married to Husband -- last year we celebrated our 20th wedding anniverssary.  Hoorah for love.  He still bugs the everloving shit out of me, but really, who's to blame with that?  Him for doing it, or me for putting up with it?

I want to start writing again, and am hoping that now that I recovered my password, I'll be able to do just that.

Stay tuned...

I Confess...

 

1)  I confess...I never liked the hit sitcom, "Friends".  Gasp!  And when I say "I never liked" it, I mean, I detested that show.  Even though I'm pretty sure that I was their target demographic, and everyone in the whole fucking world circa 1995 loved that goddam show.  I hated Rachel.  I hated Ross.  I hated Rachel and Ross together, I hated Rachel and Ross breaking up.  Yes, I've watched it.  I've tried to like it.  But that show can blow me, because it was just stupid.  The only character I even remotely liked on that show was Phoebe.  And she was probably the one who got the least lines and Lisa Kudrow probably got the least mileage out of that fucking disaster.  Well, I guess I can't really call it a "disaster" because, like I said, every goddam person in America was going apeshit over "Friends".  To me it was a disaster, though -- one that lasted too goddam long. 

2)  I confess...I love pizza.  I am sure this isn't much of a shock, because I know a lot of people love pizza.  But I love all kinds of pizza, and if I owned a restaurant, it would have a pizza theme.  I mean, there would be peanut butter and jelly pizza, dessert pizza -- everything pizza.  The Husband loves pizza too, so we are both always on the hunt for new pizza places to go to.  I think I've sampled pizza in a 50-mile radius from where we live.  Sometimes it's hard to find good pizza.  I mean, if you're going to own a pizzeria, don't phone that shit in.  Make a good crust.  Make a good sauce.  That shit is your bread and butter, and the least you could do is make a worthwhile pie.  Pizza I hate:  Domino's.  That is pure shit.  Even with their latest reboot.  I'd rather eat a frozen pizza.

3)  I confess...I really don't wear my wedding ring a lot.  There are several reasons for this:  a) a few years back, The Husband stopped wearing his all the time, so in protest, I said I was going to stop wearing mine everyday.  Yeah, yeah...petty, I know.  But WTF?  b) I gained weight, and the ring didn't fit comfortably anymore and I needed to get the ring resized (which I have done).  I do wear it (when I remember to put it on) for family occassions and whatever.  But it's just not that important to me anymore.  There's probably some deep, dark, reason why I choose to not wear it, but it really isn't that important to me to figure out why.  Especially when I paid to have the damn thing resized but still don't wear it.  Or at least not on a regular-never-take-it-off basis.

What would you like to confess?

I Confess...

In my effort to try and get some weekly topics to discuss, I introduce my "I Confess..." series.  Besides the title, I've found this little .jpg to accompany my weekly posts:

Now, before I begin my confessions for the week, I think I need to discuss "confession" itself.  You may know that it is a big part of being a Roman Catholic.  So much so, there's an app for that:

 



Personally, even though I am a "baptized" Catholic, I was married in a Catholic Church, and even baptized my own child Catholic, I am not a practicing Catholic and I've never been to confession.  I really don't know a lot about "being" Catholic, other than being able to check that box if asked.  Truthfully, while I don't agree 100% with what doctrine the Catholic Church believes, I do enjoy going to Mass.  The thing I like best about it is the routine of it.  I find it comforting.  But back to the confession thing.  One of the main reasons I haven't been to confession is that I find it kind of stupid.  I mean, if God is omnipresent, hasn't He seen all my sins?  Why do I need to go tell someone else?  I tend to think it's jack-off material for priests.  (Sorry.)  Especially if there's some really juicy, sexy sin involved.  (Sorry again.)  Besides, at this point in my life, my sins are kind of boring.  I like saying "goddammit" and I've lusted in my heart for a few of the cast members of "Magic Mike".  That's about it.  I haven't killed anyone (recently), I don't covet my neighbor's wife (or husband for that matter), and I haven't been thieving lately (or ever).  I've stopped overeating due to my recent membership to Weight Watchers (so you can cross off "gluttony"), and as far as the other 6 deadly sins -- envy...nope.  Except maybe Jessica Biel, and not because she just married Justin Timberlake, but because bitch wore a PINK wedding dress.  MY COLOR IS PINK.  I wish I would have thought of that.  Greed...nope.  I don't think I'm greedy.  I donate to worthy causes and I'm a generous gift-giver.  Next comes wrath.  What exactly does that mean?  I'm bitchy sometimes, and I will (often) say things that others won't say due to politeness, but wrath?  If we are speaking of anger, then yes, I suffer wrath sometimes, but as you may know, I've been taking my anti-depressants, and they are a great help with my anger, or wrath.  

 

That covers four of the deadly sins -- the last three are lust, sloth, and pride.  Hmmm.  Lust?  Yeah, ok, you got me there.  As aforementioned lust of a portion of the "Magic Mike" cast -- guilty as charged.  Sloth?  Yeah, I'm a bit slothy at times.  I mean, I'm not marathon runner, that's for sure.  I gotta work on this one.  Finally, comes pride.  I don't think I'm prideful, that's for sure.  I'm pretty humble (if I do say so myself) and I don't boast about accomplishments.  I'm pretty definite on this one, because I've known some prideful bitches, and those hoes are insufferable.

 

So there you go.  Looks like I'm guilty of some of the deadly sins, but not all, and as far as the 10 Commandments go, I think I'm pretty good on those, save for the frequent "goddamming" of everything under the sun.  But who do you know that is perfect?

 

On to this week's confessions...

 

1)  I confess...that I rather enjoy being naked.  Just this morning I was talking to Husband naked while he was in our computer room.  I had just gotten out of the shower and my clean clothes were downstairs in the laundry room.  I joked about doing the vacuuming naked.  Don't get me wrong, I enjoy being naked, but you're not going to catch my naked ass doing housework.  You're also not going to catch me sleeping naked or joining a nudist colony.  I'm comfortable with my nakedness, but I'm not comfortable with YOUR nakedness.

 

2)  My next confession comes to you with the World Series in mind:  I confess...I'm not a Justin Verlander fan.  I've been holding on to this confession for the last several weeks, due to the idea that I may jinx my dear Detroit Tigers should I utter it out loud.  However, after last night's performance, I cannot hold it in any longer.  I don't like him.  I don't think he's cute and I want to barf when I see some of my friends on Facebook talking about how yummy he is (BARF).  I think he's full of himself, and I think he believes his own hype and that's what caused him to do poorly last night.  I don't get why everyone in Detroit wants to lick his hypothetical balls and I think our other pitchers are just as good.  I'm sorry.  Maybe I am not just a big enough baseball fan where I can compare him to other pitchers on other teams.  I couldn't name another pitcher in the MLB besides who pitches for the Tigers...but seriously.  Get over yourself, Justin Verlander.  Doug Fister is cuter, and so is Max Scherzer, even with his eyes that don't match. 

 

 

3)  I confess...I hate candy corn.  Since Halloween is right around the corner, I must share my hatred of this candy.  My mom LOVES candy corn, so there was always candy corn around during Halloween.  I have tried to like it but it's gross.  I'd rather eat chocolate calories.  And while we are on the subject of holiday candy, I also hate Peeps. But I like marshmallow.  Go figure. 

 

 

Do you have a confession you'd like to share?

Trying to Get Some Organization Up in this Mutha

Some of the things I've realized since rebooting this blog:

1)  I really don't have much to talk about anymore;
2)  This blog could really use some type of reorganization (or organization); and
3)  I enjoy writing but...see #1.

I've been bouncing some ideas around in my head of weekly topics.  Things such as "Confession Time" where I write about some "secret" (small or big); "Memories" where I tell you more about my family, friends, or things from my past that make me who I am; "Products I Love" a-la Oprah; "WTF" kind of speaks for itself; "Grammar Lessons" which I have been trying to produce; "My Obsessions" which I've also been trying to produce; and maybe something like "Random Thoughts" although I'm pretty sure Kim at Perfectly Cursed Life has a trademark on that, so I gotta think of another name.

What do you think of these ideas?  Any suggestions/variations are appreciated.

Having an Angry Moment...

I really can't stand some of my "friends" on Facebook.  Especially right now, considering it's an election year.  I wish I could just give a bitch slap to a few of them -- you know, to try and slap some sense into them.  Because it would appear that a few of them are in desperate need of a bitch slap.  Or a pimp hand.  Either one would do in this situation.

Ronald McDonald layin' down the pimp hand.

Let me clarify.  Yesterday, Mitt Romney said some dumb shit.  I know, I know.  Right now, you're trying to figure out which dumb shit I'm talking about.  I'm specifically referring to the fact that the man does not know why you cannot open the windows on an airplane.  As a sidenote, I asked Daughter yesterday why you couldn't do this.  Her first answer was "because you'll die" and when I asked for clarification, she said because of the "air pressure".  UM, THANK YOU.  My fucking 9-year-old has more sense than this man running for President.  But, I digress.  Now, you know and I know that the statement made by Mitt Romney was just plain stupid.  But will my partisan friends admit it?  Of course not.  Believe me.  I would be the first person to (sheepishly) admit if the POTUS said some wacked out shit like this.  I would be embarassed, but I would admit it.  Because it would be the FUCKING TRUTH. 

And don't get all up in arms that the President is going on "The View".  Especially when Mitt and Ann Romney were on "Live with Kelly and Michael" last week trying to appear like they are just like us little people.  It's a goddam election year.  Your PR machine is in high gear.  Give me a break.

My (TV) Obsessions this Week

1)  I'm totally obsessed with the Democratic National Convention this week.  I have watched damn near every minute of it.  I'm watching it on MSNBC, because as I confessed to Kim over at Perfectly Cursed Life (she's a "real life" friend too), I have a mad political crush on Rachel Maddow.  I heard her interviewed a couple of months ago on the Howard Stern radio show on Sirius, and she's adorable, in a brainy way.  Love. Her.



Oh, Rachel, you brainiac, you.

2)  Along with my DNC obsession, I'm crazy over Julian Castro's (Mayor of San Antonio, TX and he gave the keynote speech on Tuesday) daughter.  Girlfriend is 3 years old and is a diva in training.  Check out the show she gave to the audience during her daddy's speech.  Work it, girl.

I whip my hair back and forth, I whip my hair back and forth...

 

5)  You may or may not know that I am a reality TV whore.  I live for reality television.  I'm sorry, but it's true.  Although, so far, I've been able to turn my nose up at "Here Comes Honey Boo Boo".  I haven't stooped that low yet.  BUT, I confess, I am loving "Married to Jonas". 

 

Newlyweds: Reboot

Now, I'm no fan of the Jonas Brothers, or their music, however, I will say that this show is adorable, in the way that Jessica Simpson/Nick Leshay's "Newlyweds" was adorable.  This is Newlyweds Rebooted.  Following Kevin Jonas (the oldest one) and his bride (I think they've been married 2 years), the show focuses on their relationship with each other, as well as the relationship they have with each respective in-laws.  Mrs. Jonas is sweet, and a bit  Jessica-Simpson-dumb (like when she didn't know prosciutto was pork, even after saying she thought it was like bacon....UM...YEAH...), she seems genuine.  The big issue concerning the Jonas' is having a baby.  Mrs. Jonas is dying to get knocked up (because really, what else does she have to do with her life since she married a millionaire), and apparently this is a problem because the Jonas Brothers are going to be making a comeback concert tour, and who would want to give birth on the road???  What are they gonna do, y'all???  I'm concerned.

 

4)  And since we're on the reality TV topic -- what the fuck, TLC?  Besides "Here Comes Honey Boo Boo" they also have a show about conjoined twins, called "Abby and Brittney" (I think).  I feel like a major asshole just watching the commercials for it, because Abby and Brittney are conjoined twins who have one body but two heads.  It's like I'm staring at them watching the commercials.  Then part of me feels like TLC is exploiting them -- the other part thinks that maybe Abby and Brittney are making some mad coin for exploiting their condition, and maybe that makes it OK?  Either way, I'm not tuning in, nor am I posting pics of them.  Google it if you're curious.

 

 

5)  OK, one more reality show topic and then I promise I won't talk about it again in this post.  Ever watch the show, "Four Weddings"?  It is also on TLC.  Premise of the show is that four brides compete for a fantasy honeymoon.  They attend each other's weddings, and rate their experience.  They rate the bridal gown, the reception, the food and their overall experience.  I tuned into this crap the other day and it was a disgusting display of women hating on other women.  During this particular episode, this one bride was BASHING HARD everyone else's wedding.  Best part?  She didn't win, and actually came in 4th place.  I thought that was Karma at it's finest.

Yep.  That about sums it up.

 

6)  Finally, comedian Steve Harvey has a new talk show that I caught on Tuesday.  I don't know if you like him or not (he is also the host of Family Feud) -- his facial expressions are the BEST. 

You know you said something fucked up when Steve looks at you like this.
 

 

 



Grammar Lesson of the Week*

*Today's lesson is regarding the pronunciation of some of the wonderful words found in our language, and is not necessarily related to a definite grammar rule.

 

1)  Specific.  Say it with me, "SPA-SI-FICK".  Specific.  The definition of which is "definite or exact."  It's not pronounced "pacific", like in the Pacific Ocean.  There is a "S" before the "pacific" part of the word.

 

2)  Sword.  Say it with me, "S-ORD".  Sword.  The "W" is silent.  And you should be too, if you're going to pronounce the "W".  You look like a dipshit.

3)  Salmon.  Say it with me, "SAM-MON".  Salmon.  Like "sword", this word has a silent letter.  It's not "SAL-MON" it's "SAM-MON".  Is English your first language?  Because if it is, you should know better, or at the very least, get out the fucking dictionary and learn to pronounce words properly.

 

4)  Escape.  Say it with me, "ES-CAPE".  Escape.  It's not "EX-cape".  There's no "ex" sound in it.  Please take an English class if you keep misprouncing these words.  Please for the love of everything that is holy.

 

And for #5, we have one that is near and dear to my heart:

 

Alzheimer's.  Say it with me, people:  "ALLS-HEIMERS".  Not "al-timers" or any other butchering of this word.  It is near and dear to my heart because my mother mispronounces this word EVERY CHANCE SHE GETS.  I've even corrected her numerous times.  And when I say "numerous" I mean more than I can count, and she CONTINUES TO MISPRONOUNCE THIS MOTHER-FUCKING WORD.  Am I bothered by it?  What do you think?