Ok, before I go on this little rant, I will qualify it by saying I really love my daughter. She has provided me with so many happy moments, so many that I can't even count them. However, as much as I love her, she annoys the fuck out of me sometimes. And for your reading enjoyment, here are some of those times (along with other annoying things):
1) When she leaves the cap off the toothpaste EVERY FUCKING DAY. I have to constantly remind her to put the cap back on. Every goddam day, there is the little white cap on the bathroom counter, almost mocking me. You might tell me to buy a flip-top tube of toothpaste to solve this problem, however, she would leave the flip-top flipped up, thus not solving my original issue with leaving the cap off....which is, there are a billion fucking germs in the bathroom and if I can avoid a few of those germs by replacing the cap, by all means, I'm going to replace the cap. Nevermind all of the hair and whatever else tidbits there are to get stuck on the toothpaste when the cap is off. Fuckin' A. Put the cap on.
2) When she is getting ready to go to bed and goes pee for the final time, she takes off her clothes and leaves them on the bathroom floor in front of the toilet. WHAT THE FUCK? Again, I have to remind her to pick them up. This grates me fucking nerves like you wouldn't believe. It's just a simple matter of picking up after yourself. I mean, I'm not exactly OCD about keeping my house clean, but I certainly don't leave clothes all over the goddam house.
3) How my daughter doesn't care what her hair looks like. She keeps her hair long, like down the middle of her back. She doesn't want to cut it and likes having long hair. You'd think that because this the case, she'd take a brush to it once in a while. But, nope. I send her off to school or wherever, and when she comes home, it looks like she rolled around on the ground a few times or stuck her hair in a light socket. I know I shouldn't care as much as I do, but sonafabitch. I don't want her looking like a homeless child. Brush your goddam hair and give a fuck once in a while. Because if you don't, I'm going to have someone cut it short and then it won't matter (I wouldn't do this, but don't think I haven't thought about it.)
And finally, just when you think that the only person in my house that annoys me is my child, here's a little rant about the Husband:
4) When my husband takes off his socks for the day, he leaves them balled up in a little ball instead of keeping them puffed out (or whatever you call it). Like each individual sock is its own ball. I get so irritated when I do the laundry and there are all these little sock balls that never really get clean. It's gross and it's annoying. Take the half a second and make sure your socks are right-side-in and fully stretched out. Unless you don't care about clean socks. Then by all means, continue to ball them up.
Thank you for letting me get this off my chest. Between sock balls and orphaned toothpaste caps, I think I'm going to blow a nut around here sometimes. I know I shouldn't "sweat the small stuff" but seriously. It's the small stuff that makes me crazy.
Showing posts with label Rants. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Rants. Show all posts
Saturday, August 11, 2012
Thursday, May 07, 2009
I Interrupt this Vacation Recap for A Very Important List
I feel like this cat.
I need to warn you that I am in an ESPECIALLY irritable mood and have been for the last three days. Some of the things in this post are bitchy, mean, insensitive and cold-hearted. I am not apologizing because I’m just being honest. I’m just warning you that you’re being exposed to my ugly side…
Things that I find especially irritating at this moment:
That AT&T commercial where the boyfriend is leaving to go on a trip and he texts his girlfriend pictures of him in front of Big Ben (“Hi from London”), the Eiffel Tower (“Hi from Paris”), and then eventually, texts here a picture of herself (“Hi from…”) and she turns around and he’s there. This commercial irritates me because of the stupid little knit hat the boyfriend wears throughout the commercial…I don’t know why it bothers me so much but he looks like Enrique Inglasias and really doesn’t need some “cool” hat to look cute. I am also irritated by the cute little song that is playing in the background because I find myself singing along to it everytime the fucking commercial comes on. I hate the cuteness of the whole dang thing. I’ve seen this commercial way too many times. Everything about it is JUST SO SICKENINGLY CUTE. AT&T deserves a strongly worded letter from me.
The fact that I haven’t received the letter from the State Bar yet to tell me whether I passed the Bar exam or not. I’ve counted the days on the calendar, and the letters come out like CLOCKWORK. I mean, everytime I took the exam, I received the letter in the mail the EXACT day I thought it would come. Except for this time. It should have come on Saturday while I was in Florida. But it did not. And now, everyday, I am driving Husband crazy (as well as myself) because the first question I ask him around 4:30pm is “Did The Letter come?” It is driving me insane and I’ve decided the reason I have been in a foul mood the past few days is because of the fucking letter. Just get here already so I can move on with my life. I would write the State Bar a strongly worded letter if I wasn’t so afraid of them. Yeah, I said it. They strike fear in my heart because my future is in their hands. But if I had bigger balls, I’d write one to tell them how unacceptable this waiting period is.
My commute home from work yesterday. Normally, this doesn’t bother me. I know I live far away from work and I deal with it. Yesterday, some asshole decided he wanted to attempt suicide by jumping off the overpass bridge on the main freeway I take home. I don’t mean to be insensitive (actually, I DO mean to be insensitive, because for God’s sake he was on the overpass for NINE HOURS). WTF? How long does it take to talk someone down from an overpass? Apparently it takes hours…at the expense of thousands of people during their commute. As one of my friends mentioned yesterday, even when there is a bear or some wild animal on the loose, it doesn’t take nine hours to capture them. You shoot it with a tranquilizer and then…DONE. Life goes on for everyone involved. When the news reported the story last night, the said the police apologized for taking so long, but these are the types of things “you don’t want to rush.” Acutally, you DO want to rush these things, otherwise thousands of people are inconvenienced and the police spend nine hours waiting on some asshole to jump (or in this case, not). I’m sorry for being insensitive (I really do) but I just have no tolerance for people and their dramatic suicide attempts. I know the economy sucks, but if you’re going to do it, do it in the privacy of your own home like everyone else and don’t make a spectacle of yourself. He obviously didn’t really want to die, he just wanted attention. If I knew the man’s name, he’d be getting a strongly worded letter.
My friends on Facebook that have nothing interesting to say in their status messages – most often are the ones who can only can post shit about their kids/kids activities/husbands/family/blah blah blah. So your life is perfect and great and your kids are awesome. I don’t want to hear about Little Jimmy’s cub scout meetings or Little Susie’s bake sale at school. I don’t give a rat’s ass about how perfect your husband is (goody, goody, gumdrops for you) and I feel sorry for you because it’s apparent you have no other life that one that is wrapped up in your kids and your husband and you no longer have an identity. I mean, I know I often blog about Husband and Daughter so I am probably guilty of this myself. But I also have other interests, hobbies, and I have a life separate from them. I sometimes feel like unfriending these friends because reading their status messages means I just wasted 2 seconds of my life that I’ll never get back. But because I really am a nice person (despite the venom I am spewing in this post), I will not be writing any strongly worded status messages to my friends to tell them they need to get a life. But they should be getting one.
My local newscasts. Every story is about the doom and gloom that is the automotive industry. No wonder that guy wanted to jump off the freeway bridge. They said he was a 51-year-old auto worker who had lost his job back last November. I am assuming that he still hasn’t found a new job and no wonder. I doubt there are many jobs for an out-of-work 51-year-old autoworker right now. The newscasts sure don’t help the situation. I decided last night that I am no longer watching the news because it’s always bad news and it gives me anxiety. I am already on medication. I get anxiety and depressed and those newscasts make me feel like the world is coming to an end. So, no more. I am going to gladly put my head in the sand and get my news third person from Husband. My local Fox station is getting a strongly worded letter, I think.
That WGN (station out of Chicago that is on my cable) shows the same freakin’ “Scrubs” episodes over and over. There are like three billion episodes of “Scrubs” in syndication, yet last night, they were showing the episodes where JD meets the blonde urologist (that he ends up having the baby with.) I have seen those particular episodes, I swear, at least four times. WHAT THE HELL, WGN? Can’t you reach into the vault and dust some other episodes off? The fact that I get to watch “Scrubs” uninterrupted (Husband and Daughter are asleep in bed) from 11pm – midnight is one of my small luxuries. I HATE having to watch the same ones over and over when it’s been on television for the past 65 years and so there’s a million episodes in syndication. That’s it. WGN is getting a strongly worded letter too.
Don’t piss me off today or you’ll be getting a strongly worded letter as well. Believe me, they would all start like this:
“Dear Asshole(s),
You are an asshole because….”
After all, don’t you think, people should be called out when they’re being assholes? And before you go posting a comment on this post calling me an asshole, I’m going to cancel it out right now because I KNOW I’m being an asshole. So there. I beat you to it. (me sticking my tongue out at you…)
Things that I find especially irritating at this moment:
That AT&T commercial where the boyfriend is leaving to go on a trip and he texts his girlfriend pictures of him in front of Big Ben (“Hi from London”), the Eiffel Tower (“Hi from Paris”), and then eventually, texts here a picture of herself (“Hi from…”) and she turns around and he’s there. This commercial irritates me because of the stupid little knit hat the boyfriend wears throughout the commercial…I don’t know why it bothers me so much but he looks like Enrique Inglasias and really doesn’t need some “cool” hat to look cute. I am also irritated by the cute little song that is playing in the background because I find myself singing along to it everytime the fucking commercial comes on. I hate the cuteness of the whole dang thing. I’ve seen this commercial way too many times. Everything about it is JUST SO SICKENINGLY CUTE. AT&T deserves a strongly worded letter from me.
The fact that I haven’t received the letter from the State Bar yet to tell me whether I passed the Bar exam or not. I’ve counted the days on the calendar, and the letters come out like CLOCKWORK. I mean, everytime I took the exam, I received the letter in the mail the EXACT day I thought it would come. Except for this time. It should have come on Saturday while I was in Florida. But it did not. And now, everyday, I am driving Husband crazy (as well as myself) because the first question I ask him around 4:30pm is “Did The Letter come?” It is driving me insane and I’ve decided the reason I have been in a foul mood the past few days is because of the fucking letter. Just get here already so I can move on with my life. I would write the State Bar a strongly worded letter if I wasn’t so afraid of them. Yeah, I said it. They strike fear in my heart because my future is in their hands. But if I had bigger balls, I’d write one to tell them how unacceptable this waiting period is.
My commute home from work yesterday. Normally, this doesn’t bother me. I know I live far away from work and I deal with it. Yesterday, some asshole decided he wanted to attempt suicide by jumping off the overpass bridge on the main freeway I take home. I don’t mean to be insensitive (actually, I DO mean to be insensitive, because for God’s sake he was on the overpass for NINE HOURS). WTF? How long does it take to talk someone down from an overpass? Apparently it takes hours…at the expense of thousands of people during their commute. As one of my friends mentioned yesterday, even when there is a bear or some wild animal on the loose, it doesn’t take nine hours to capture them. You shoot it with a tranquilizer and then…DONE. Life goes on for everyone involved. When the news reported the story last night, the said the police apologized for taking so long, but these are the types of things “you don’t want to rush.” Acutally, you DO want to rush these things, otherwise thousands of people are inconvenienced and the police spend nine hours waiting on some asshole to jump (or in this case, not). I’m sorry for being insensitive (I really do) but I just have no tolerance for people and their dramatic suicide attempts. I know the economy sucks, but if you’re going to do it, do it in the privacy of your own home like everyone else and don’t make a spectacle of yourself. He obviously didn’t really want to die, he just wanted attention. If I knew the man’s name, he’d be getting a strongly worded letter.
My friends on Facebook that have nothing interesting to say in their status messages – most often are the ones who can only can post shit about their kids/kids activities/husbands/family/blah blah blah. So your life is perfect and great and your kids are awesome. I don’t want to hear about Little Jimmy’s cub scout meetings or Little Susie’s bake sale at school. I don’t give a rat’s ass about how perfect your husband is (goody, goody, gumdrops for you) and I feel sorry for you because it’s apparent you have no other life that one that is wrapped up in your kids and your husband and you no longer have an identity. I mean, I know I often blog about Husband and Daughter so I am probably guilty of this myself. But I also have other interests, hobbies, and I have a life separate from them. I sometimes feel like unfriending these friends because reading their status messages means I just wasted 2 seconds of my life that I’ll never get back. But because I really am a nice person (despite the venom I am spewing in this post), I will not be writing any strongly worded status messages to my friends to tell them they need to get a life. But they should be getting one.
My local newscasts. Every story is about the doom and gloom that is the automotive industry. No wonder that guy wanted to jump off the freeway bridge. They said he was a 51-year-old auto worker who had lost his job back last November. I am assuming that he still hasn’t found a new job and no wonder. I doubt there are many jobs for an out-of-work 51-year-old autoworker right now. The newscasts sure don’t help the situation. I decided last night that I am no longer watching the news because it’s always bad news and it gives me anxiety. I am already on medication. I get anxiety and depressed and those newscasts make me feel like the world is coming to an end. So, no more. I am going to gladly put my head in the sand and get my news third person from Husband. My local Fox station is getting a strongly worded letter, I think.
That WGN (station out of Chicago that is on my cable) shows the same freakin’ “Scrubs” episodes over and over. There are like three billion episodes of “Scrubs” in syndication, yet last night, they were showing the episodes where JD meets the blonde urologist (that he ends up having the baby with.) I have seen those particular episodes, I swear, at least four times. WHAT THE HELL, WGN? Can’t you reach into the vault and dust some other episodes off? The fact that I get to watch “Scrubs” uninterrupted (Husband and Daughter are asleep in bed) from 11pm – midnight is one of my small luxuries. I HATE having to watch the same ones over and over when it’s been on television for the past 65 years and so there’s a million episodes in syndication. That’s it. WGN is getting a strongly worded letter too.
Don’t piss me off today or you’ll be getting a strongly worded letter as well. Believe me, they would all start like this:
“Dear Asshole(s),
You are an asshole because….”
After all, don’t you think, people should be called out when they’re being assholes? And before you go posting a comment on this post calling me an asshole, I’m going to cancel it out right now because I KNOW I’m being an asshole. So there. I beat you to it. (me sticking my tongue out at you…)
Monday, April 13, 2009
I Feel a Rant Coming On...
I need to go off on one of my rants...long overdue, far as I am concerned. If you remember, I haven't ranted since January, when I lost my mind over the snow and winter.
This rant is going to be about me being overweight. What has caused me to go over the edge tonight is the fact that I'm trying to find a dress for my friend, Jen's, wedding. Now, I know Jen reads my blog and so I am going to make it clear right off the bat that I am not complaining about being asked to be in her wedding. I am honored and touched that she asked. We have been friends since we were 12 years old, and she is my oldest friend. I love her like a sister. So, thank you Jen, for allowing me to share your special day.
Now...here comes the complaining.
WHY DON'T FASHION DESIGNERS MAKE CLOTHES TO FIT A WOMAN'S BODY? WHY? WHY? Fashion models are special for a reason. There are only 12 other women in the world who weigh 67 pounds and are 6'2". I'm sorry, world. I have stomach fat and boobs and a flat ass. I like to eat food without throwing it up shortly after consuming it, and I also like to eat junk food. I can't deal with eating grass all day. Husband likes my body and is glad I'm not a skeleton. I am big-boned (literally -- I did the wrist-measuring test. It's a confirmed fact.) My ancestry is from Eastern Europe, probably the pesantry, so I am not made of frail stock. I'm hearty and sturdy and could probably beat the fuck out of someone if I tried. Probably. Ask Husband. We've tussled and he can't take me down too quickly (and we were just playing for all of you ready to call the police). This body has given life to another human being and I have the stretch marks to prove it (I know you can't see them but since we're on the subject of how much I hate my body, might as well throw the stretch marks in there.) My stomach was stretched out to fit another person into it, and so my stomach no longer holds the elasticity like it could have done years ago. It's flabby and probably will always be that way. You will never be able to bounce a quarter off of it, regardless of how many sit ups or crunches or whatever I do. Short of a tummy tuck. Which I have considered....yes, sadly, I have considered the "mommy makeover" but the fact that I'd have to wear a "drain tube" has turned me off to it so far. I figure if it's good enough for freakin' Kate (of Jon & Kate Plus 8) then it's good enough for me. I'm just waiting for the science to get a little more advanced so I don't have to deal with the drain tube. Ewwww.
And everything that fits me is FUGLY. That's "fucking ugly" for all of you not up on the lingo of the kids today. F-U-G-L-Y with a capital FUG. The dresses are either fugly or look like they were designed for 75-year-old grandmas. And I don't have anything against grandmas, except for the fact that I am not one. I am a cute, rather chubby, round-faced, 37-year old. Not anyone's grandma. At least not yet.
And here are the flaws I am trying to fix and/or hide:
The aforementioned fat stomach
The aforementioned boobs
No waistline to speak of
The aforementioned flat ass (although this is easy to fix in a dress)
Flabby arms (I'm growing bat-wings)
Thank god for a cute face or all would be lost. I am now reminded that I am in desperate need of a tan because at least the fat will look better when it is tanned. Skin cancer be damned! Oh, and I won't even mention that I swear I am going through early menopause because I am hot everywhere I go, so I sweat like a pig in the August sunshine, even in the middle of winter. So no matter what I wear (I want to find a dress with some kind of sleeve but I should probably wear sleeveless because her wedding is in mid-June) -- short of going in my underwear -- I'm going to sweat my balls off. Sweaty fat girls are just not cute.
I am so frustrated. Grrrr.
I know I am going to look like a blimp in whatever dress I find. Jen is beautiful in her little size 2 body and I am going to be the anchor on one side of her (the other side being balanced out by her hunk of a husband who is in the military and is built like a brick-shithouse and is like 6'2" or something.) Yes, there will be Jen, anchored by 2 brick-shithouses. FUCK ME.
OK, enough of this. I need to get back to dress-shopping online. Wish me luck everyone.
UPDATE: Here are the four choices I've decided on. Let me know if you have a favorite. The first one is my favorite, I think (if I can find it with the little jacket thing (if you click on the "larger view" button you'll see what I am talking about). Hurry and let me know. I gotta get this dress ordered! All of the dresses are coming up in the navy blue color which is what I need to order (in case you were wondering what color). Thanks for your help!
http://www.zaftique.com/index.php/detail_page/28380/4f59cd46ba2938fc81d990c43835255b
http://www.zaftique.com/index.php/detail_page/20936/4f59cd46ba2938fc81d990c43835255b
http://www.zaftique.com/index.php/detail_page/30554/4f59cd46ba2938fc81d990c43835255b
http://www.zaftique.com/index.php/detail_page/28344/4f59cd46ba2938fc81d990c43835255b
This rant is going to be about me being overweight. What has caused me to go over the edge tonight is the fact that I'm trying to find a dress for my friend, Jen's, wedding. Now, I know Jen reads my blog and so I am going to make it clear right off the bat that I am not complaining about being asked to be in her wedding. I am honored and touched that she asked. We have been friends since we were 12 years old, and she is my oldest friend. I love her like a sister. So, thank you Jen, for allowing me to share your special day.
Now...here comes the complaining.
WHY DON'T FASHION DESIGNERS MAKE CLOTHES TO FIT A WOMAN'S BODY? WHY? WHY? Fashion models are special for a reason. There are only 12 other women in the world who weigh 67 pounds and are 6'2". I'm sorry, world. I have stomach fat and boobs and a flat ass. I like to eat food without throwing it up shortly after consuming it, and I also like to eat junk food. I can't deal with eating grass all day. Husband likes my body and is glad I'm not a skeleton. I am big-boned (literally -- I did the wrist-measuring test. It's a confirmed fact.) My ancestry is from Eastern Europe, probably the pesantry, so I am not made of frail stock. I'm hearty and sturdy and could probably beat the fuck out of someone if I tried. Probably. Ask Husband. We've tussled and he can't take me down too quickly (and we were just playing for all of you ready to call the police). This body has given life to another human being and I have the stretch marks to prove it (I know you can't see them but since we're on the subject of how much I hate my body, might as well throw the stretch marks in there.) My stomach was stretched out to fit another person into it, and so my stomach no longer holds the elasticity like it could have done years ago. It's flabby and probably will always be that way. You will never be able to bounce a quarter off of it, regardless of how many sit ups or crunches or whatever I do. Short of a tummy tuck. Which I have considered....yes, sadly, I have considered the "mommy makeover" but the fact that I'd have to wear a "drain tube" has turned me off to it so far. I figure if it's good enough for freakin' Kate (of Jon & Kate Plus 8) then it's good enough for me. I'm just waiting for the science to get a little more advanced so I don't have to deal with the drain tube. Ewwww.
And everything that fits me is FUGLY. That's "fucking ugly" for all of you not up on the lingo of the kids today. F-U-G-L-Y with a capital FUG. The dresses are either fugly or look like they were designed for 75-year-old grandmas. And I don't have anything against grandmas, except for the fact that I am not one. I am a cute, rather chubby, round-faced, 37-year old. Not anyone's grandma. At least not yet.
And here are the flaws I am trying to fix and/or hide:
The aforementioned fat stomach
The aforementioned boobs
No waistline to speak of
The aforementioned flat ass (although this is easy to fix in a dress)
Flabby arms (I'm growing bat-wings)
Thank god for a cute face or all would be lost. I am now reminded that I am in desperate need of a tan because at least the fat will look better when it is tanned. Skin cancer be damned! Oh, and I won't even mention that I swear I am going through early menopause because I am hot everywhere I go, so I sweat like a pig in the August sunshine, even in the middle of winter. So no matter what I wear (I want to find a dress with some kind of sleeve but I should probably wear sleeveless because her wedding is in mid-June) -- short of going in my underwear -- I'm going to sweat my balls off. Sweaty fat girls are just not cute.
I am so frustrated. Grrrr.
I know I am going to look like a blimp in whatever dress I find. Jen is beautiful in her little size 2 body and I am going to be the anchor on one side of her (the other side being balanced out by her hunk of a husband who is in the military and is built like a brick-shithouse and is like 6'2" or something.) Yes, there will be Jen, anchored by 2 brick-shithouses. FUCK ME.
OK, enough of this. I need to get back to dress-shopping online. Wish me luck everyone.
UPDATE: Here are the four choices I've decided on. Let me know if you have a favorite. The first one is my favorite, I think (if I can find it with the little jacket thing (if you click on the "larger view" button you'll see what I am talking about). Hurry and let me know. I gotta get this dress ordered! All of the dresses are coming up in the navy blue color which is what I need to order (in case you were wondering what color). Thanks for your help!
http://www.zaftique.com/index.php/detail_page/28380/4f59cd46ba2938fc81d990c43835255b
http://www.zaftique.com/index.php/detail_page/20936/4f59cd46ba2938fc81d990c43835255b
http://www.zaftique.com/index.php/detail_page/30554/4f59cd46ba2938fc81d990c43835255b
http://www.zaftique.com/index.php/detail_page/28344/4f59cd46ba2938fc81d990c43835255b
Wednesday, January 28, 2009
It's Beginning to Look A Lot Like Someone's Going Off On a Rant...
My head is about to explode...I just checked the weather for tomorrow and noticed that it is supposed to SNOW for the next few days -- off and on. I AM SO FUCKING SICK OF THE SNOW I WANT TO GO POSTAL...OR WHATEVER THE "GOING POSTAL" EQUIVALENT IS CONCERNING SNOWFALL. I am sick sick sick of this winter and want to run outside and scream my head off because I spent 4 hours in my car today stuck in traffic -- three hour commute to work, one hour commute home from work ALL BECAUSE OF THE GODDDANG SNOW AND I JUST CAN'T STAND IT ANYMORE! FUCK!
I swear, if that fucking groundhog doesn't see his shadow or sees his shadow (you know, which ever one means winter is going to last even longer) I am going to kill that motherfucker!
Yes, I keep dropping the F-bombs, and even an MF-bomb. As you can see, I'm mad!
I hate walking in the snow, I hate driving in the snow, I hate snowblowing the snow, I even hate looking at the snow at this point. I don't think my hatred of the winter has ever been so intense! Maybe I need a check on my meds....
Hide the guns and sharp objects, people! I'm on a rant and it's going to last a while!
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