Depression=NO BLOG POSTS

Hey. So I haven't been updating my blog lately, as you may have noticed, namely because I really haven't felt like it. Like there was nothing that warranted the energy it would have taken to update and post comments. Which I attribute to a mild form of depression -- partly due to not having a job, not having any prospects and worrying about finding a job. There are many other reasons for my depression -- reasons that are as old as I am, or reasons that go WAAAAY back, but the job thing was the most recent thing to send me into a tailspin, so let's put like 75% of the blame for no blog updates on that.

Well...the impossible has happened. I found a job. Training for it starts on the 13th, and lasts 2-3 weeks. Then the job goes to the afternoon shift, which is from 3:30-12midnight. Anyone who knows me knows I am NOT a morning person. So starting work at 3:30 is mildly appealing. The only downside is that I won't see my kid, and that kinda bums me out. Because I spent 4 years in law school in night classes not seeing my kid. The way I figure, I've probably only really seen about 2 years worth of her life -- the other 3.75 years I've spent away from her for some reason. Nice parenting. OK, I shouldn't beat myself up too bad about it, because parents everwhere make sacrifices which include working afternoons. So I won't dwell -- just trying to give you a taste of the mindset I'm in over this job-thing. I'm torn.

The job itself doesn't sound TOO bad -- it has something or other to do with researching things (those things are to be determined at a later date...and determined, I'm assuming, by the lawsuit that gets filed) -- so I will be doing research for things for lawsuits that get filed against GM and putting my research in a file for the GM attorneys. It's rather vague (if you haven't picked up on that already) -- but at least it's in the legal profession, and at least it is a paying job. It being so vague is why I am assuming the training period is so long. I mean, 2-3 weeks? I can't wait to see what secrets will be bestowed upon me....

In other news...most of you know that I became a Pure Romance consultant. Which is really very fun and I enjoy it 100% of the time. My first party was hostessed (is that a word? Is now.) by my friend Jody, and due to unforseen circumstances, we couldn't hold the party at her apartment, so instead we moved it to my parent's house. Now, I haven't written much about my family, other than to compare them to the Munsters. I swear, one of these days, I will devote a post to them and only them, and it will be a feast for your eyes. But until that day...here's a little bit of what my mom is like: the day after the Pure Romance party, I am talking on the phone with my mom. I can only talk to her for about 6 minutes at any one time, because it's about at the 6-minute mark, where my mom will say something that will send me from 0 to 60 in under 2 seconds. The day after my party, my mother mentions to me that I should really "tailor" my parties to my audience. Why she thought I would be able to do this, especially when I start doing parties for total strangers, I have no idea. So I ask her what she means. She replies that some of those "things" that I demonstrated (namely the toys) were "REEEALY DISGUSTING" and that I shouldn't be showing them. Um...I don't know about you, but I always thought that one of the big draws to a Pure Romance party was the toys? Call me crazy, but I don't think the promise of massage lotions and body sprays are the biggest appeal of the parties. So while I am explaining to her, that one of the things that girls look forward to are the toys, and when they come to the party, they kind of know what to expect -- because I know if I was invited to a Pure Romance party and didn't know what it was, the person inviting me would TELL ME, right? I can hear my mom himming and hawing on the other end, and it is at that point, where I tell her I have to go. NOW. Before I reach through the phone and smack her one upside the head.

She gets under my skin. Like no one else can. Of course, I have been mulling around the idea of getting her one of the dual-action vibrators for Christmas. I would LOVE LOVE LOVE to see her face when she opened it. Because she needs one more than anyone I know. For Reals.

I'm Obsessed With Vampires, Y'all

I've never really been a huge vampire "fan" or whatever you want to call it. I mean, I saw "Interview with a Vampire" and Bram Stoker's "Dracula" when they were released, and enjoyed them, and I loved "Blade". But I just never really have been obsessed about vampires, or really all that interested in them, until now.

It all started with those "Twilight" books. And the only reason I started reading them in the first place is because I wanted to know what all of the hub-bub was about (that, along with being unemployed...had a lot of time on my hands). I stayed out of the "Harry Potter" mania, but this time, I wanted to be "in" with the in-crowd of literary fans. So I read "Twilight". AND the next two installments (I still have to read the fourth one.)

THEN...HBO has decided to begin a new series, called "TrueBlood". The commercial went a little like this..."From the creator of "Six Feet Under" comes a new series about..." blah blah blah. It didn't matter to me what the new series was about, if it was from Alan Ball, I was going to tune it. I was a GIANT fan of "Six Feet Under" -- I loved the quirkyness and I fell in love with the characters. So you know I was all over watching "TrueBlood".

I'd be lying if I said that this whole Vampire Craze I'm experiencing as something I just stumbled upon. Shannon was the one who first watched "TrueBlood" and told me I HAD to watch it. She even CAME OVER my house one day and we watched the first 3 episodes -- I think she came over just to make sure I'd watch it. Now, I'm hooked on the show. The main premise of the show is that vampires have "come out of the casket" so to speak, and are trying to go mainstream. The main characters are Sookie (played by Anna Paquin) and Bill (the Vampire), who are beginning a relationship even though they are in a very small Louisiana town that doesn't look too favorable on this "mixed" relationship. Of course, the story is much more involved and complicated than I am describing, but if you are interested, and have HBO, check it on On Demand. Especially if you are even a little bit interested in vampires.

"TrueBlood" is based on a series of novels written by Charlaine Harris, the first one being "Dead After Dark" -- with the tagline being "A Southern Vampire Story". I read it after discovering the TV show, and now I am in the middle of the third installment. Alan Ball's (I just said "balls" hee hee) interpretation is pretty close to the books, but he does put his spin on it. Which keeps it interesting for me because there's not a whole lotta of suspense now that I know what is going to happen.

I also think one of the reasons my obsession has hit new heights this week is that I caught up on the episode I miss this past Sunday. As if there wasn't enough sex in the first 6 episodes...this one is exploding with it. And if you never thought vampires were sexy with a capital "SEX"...you need to watch "TrueBlood". The vampires are portrayed as very sexual and sensual beings (and not all together a creepy way) -- it's quite an interesting spin on the whole "I vant to suck your blooood" stereotype. Yeah, suck my blood and then some -- indeed. Damn. Being a member of the undead never looked so hot.

Only Me?

I am totally obsessed with "The Maury Povich Show". Am I alone? I can't get enough of the drama -- between the paternity and lie detector test, the 13-year-olds who want babies, and boot camps, I'm hanging on every word of the show. I am nearly giddy because it comes on twice a day. What is wrong with me?

Favorite Moments:

Maury: "And the lie detector determined THAT was a lie!" OR

Maury: "And in the case of 13-month old baby Mary, Robert you ARE the father!"

Two Months and Counting...

Technically, it's been a little over 2 months now that I've been among the unemployed. I say "technically" because I lost my job in mid-July, and spent the remainder of July studying for the Bar like my life depended on it. The exam was July 29th and 30th. Then I spent the next couple of weeks taking short summer vacations and enjoying the beautiful weather. So, what I'm saying, is that I spent about a month not really focusing on Finding a Job.

Which means, for the last month or so, I really have been focusing on finding a job. And having absolutely NO LUCK whatsoever. I don't know what the problem is exactly. Is there too many unemployed and not enough jobs? Am I overqualified? Am I underqualified? Does my resume suck ass? I have over 15 years of business experience, with increasing responsibility. I have "GOOD" experience. But WTF? Seriously?

I haven't gotten to the point where I am ready to jump off a cliff or something, but I am getting sick of looking for a job. I hate it. It's driving me crazy.

On the other side of the coin, I have actually enjoyed being home. I do all of the regular housewife and stay-at-home mom crap and most of the time, I don't mind it. Which is not exactly what I envisioned for myself. Especially considering all of the money and time I have spent on educating myself. Besides this little internal conflict, I find myself getting depressed over this whole experience. I am trying not to let it get me down, but it's there like a black cloud hanging over my head. Not working just makes me feel worthless. I've always had a job ever since was 15 years old.

WHY CAN'T I JUST FIND A JOB ALREADY? This is ridiculous.

9/11

The Day that None of Us Will Forget. On the anniversary of the terrorist attacks on the World Trade Center and the Pentagon, I always am reminded of where I was and how I heard of the news. I was working in the HR department at my previous job, and was listening to the Howard Stern Show...and he was the person who told me.

Later in my workday, my company had set up CNN in the auditorium for everyone to come down and watch (if you wanted to) -- and in that auditorium is where I saw the buildings collapse.

Right now, I'm watching the History Channel, reliving the horror I felt that day (watching the doucmentary, 102 Minutes that Changed America). I don't know why I am still morbidly facinated with watching documentary after documentary...I can't get enough. My stomach is in knots, and I feel like I am going to throw up. When those buildings come crumbling down -- I can't stand it. Or to watch people jump to their deaths because they can't get out of the buildings. It's just so disgusting.

September 11th also reminds me of my friend, Sandy. I blogged about her in an earlier post, so you can read more (if you haven't already) in the post about Randy Pausch. 9/11 makes me think of her because she died September 11, 2002. One year later -- one year after THE 9/11. I have been thinking about her, her husband, her kids, her family -- off and on today. Thinking about her death and about the terrorist attacks just makes me feel very pessimistic. This world is so fucked up somtimes, and life can be so cruel.

I hope this black cloud lifts soon. Sadness and anger are things I try not to dwell on for any long periods of time, but today it is appropriate, I think.

Top 5 List

Although I was not a big fan, I think there was an episode of "Friends" where they talked about their top 5 list...the top 5 list of celebrities that if they had the chance, they would totally rock their world, all night long?

So here's my top 5 list -- and I'd love to know yours! (in no particular order)

1. David Beckham (you can read about this obsession in earlier posts)

2. Pete Wentz (I can't figure out this one -- he's like 5 feet tall, and the guy-liner thing, was never really my thing...but damn, he's so freakin' cute!)

3. Ben Affeck (again, he's just so cute! I can't stand it.)
4. Lenny Kravitz (Lenny is one sexy-ass mutha)

5. Rick Springfield (yeah, I'd still totally do him lol -- and sometimes I really miss the 80's!)

Now, here's my list if it applied to characters -- in novels, movies, etc.

1. William Shakespeare (as played by Joseph Fiennes in Shakespeare in Love) I LOVE LOVE LOVE this movie. I can't even express to you right now, how much I love this movie.)

2. Mr. Darcy, in Jane Austen's Pride and Prejudice (My favorite book EVER)

3. Michael Corleone (as played by Al Pacino in The Godfather) OR Tony Montana (as played by Al Pacino in Scarface) (Al Pacino had that cold, Italian shit down. He was so sexy when he was killing people! "Say "hello" to my little friend!")

4. Lloyd Dobler (as played by John Cusack in Say Anything) OR Rob Gordon (as played by John Cusack in High Fidelity) I love John Cusack and how he can play "vunerable" so good. It's those freaking puppy-dog eyes.

5. James Bond (as played by Daniel Craig in Casino Royale). My two favorite scenes -- when he's coming out of the ocean in those small swimshorts, and when he is in the casino in that tuxedo that looks like it was painted on him. The sexiest Bond EVER.

Honorable Mention: the naked neighbor-guy of Samantha's, in Sex and the City (the movie). See it to believe it. ;)

Random Thoughts

Today's Random Thoughts are about how I wish I had an English accent. These are the words I would be using (or at least all that I can think of at the moment):

Calling my butt a "bottom" -- or "arse" (which can also be used instead of calling someone an asshole)
Using the words "brillant" and "smashing" to describe something I love
When people ask me what type of job I want, I'm going to start telling them I want to be a "barrister" instead of a lawyer
When I swear, I'm just going to start saying "bloody hell" or "bollocks" or tell people to "sod off"
Instead of smoking cigarettes, I'm going to say they're "fags"
I am going to rename the post I made called "Am I Crazy?" to "Am I Daft?"
When I talk about not having a job, I will affectionately call it "being on the dole"
I am no longer wearing underwear, they are "knickers"
I won't be using the bathroom -- it is a "loo" or "W.C." from now on
And...last but not least, when shit starts to go wrong, I'm going to say it's gone "tits up"

Well, tally-ho and pip, pip! And may God save The Queen!