Personalized License Plates: We Live in an Egocentric World

I drive 100 miles round trip to work everyday. I’d say 99.9% of those miles are driven on highways (thank goodness). My long commute on the highways means I come across quite a few personalized license plates. Yesterday, I decided to keep track of the ones I saw that day, and report back here on them. I’m fascinated by personalized plates. I wonder about the person driving the car, I wonder about what their little 7-letter-maximum messages mean, and I wonder why the message is so important to them. Despite my fascination, I also despise personalized plates (note douchebag above and his plate...'nuff said). Mostly because there is a small percentage of plates that just leave me dumfounded. I have no idea what they mean, what the message is trying to say – and then that makes me angry. Why put something out there for all the world to see, and not have it make sense? It makes me think that the driver thinks their message is more important to them – which is like throwing a giant middle finger out to the world. To those people, I give that finger right back PLUS one more finger. So there.

Here are the plates I encountered yesterday on my drive:

M MAGOO: ??? I remember as a very young child there was a cartoon about a character named “Mr. Magoo” and he wore these really thick glasses, and the constant joke was how he was blind as a bat. But I’m wondering about this plate. Is the driver legally blind? An old guy? Whatever the meaning, I’m not comfortable with it – maybe the driver shouldn’t be on the road?

NOAZRK: My first thought was WHAT THE HELL? I hate plates that make me think about what they mean. Then maybe it means “Noah’s Ark”? Thoughts?

AMYLYNN: Obviously, AmyLynn is either the driver or the kid or grandkid of the driver. I don’t like plates with names because the Paranoid inside of me who thinks about child molesters, rapists, kidnappers and identity thieves worries about AmyLynn getting kidnapped, molested and/or raped. Law enforcement officers tell parents never personalize backpacks, jackets, etc. because the Creeps in the world will use it against your child. Ah, AMYLYNN, I hope you stay safe!

MY MULE: This one was kind of cute. The “M” in “MY” was actually the “M” logo for the University of Michigan. Here in Michigan, you can get college logos and some other random shit on your license plate. In case you’re wondering, the vehicle itself was a Ford F-150 pickup truck, 4x4. HELLSYES. This is one plate that makes sense.

MAGICAL: What’s magical? The driver? Life? The car (I didn’t notice the model)? This person should take his “magical” ass and go drive off a cliff. Seriously? Go spread your “magical” shit elsewhere.

UNIXGUY: Nice to see he advertises what an IT nerd he is. Like some woman is going to go…”Ooooo look at the UNIX GUY OVER THERE!” Actually, I did just that. I did think the plate was cute and original though, despite what I said.

RUNDAYS: I’m guessing this plate belongs to someone who seems to be running around all day, every day. A little play on words…”Rundays”!

HOZANNA: I wonder if this person was religious? Specifically, maybe a Catholic? I just kept thinking of the part in Mass where you sing “Hosanna in the highest”. Maybe?

RPSGIRL: ??? This one left me dumbfounded…I keep wondering what “RPS” means. This is a primary reason why I HATE personalized license plates. I’m going to spend the next several days wondering what the fuck this one means. Dammit, RPSGIRL, couldn’t you put some shit on your plate we all understand? Better yet, just take the state-issued plate and call it a day. Dare to be ordinary like the rest of us.

LUCIFER: Real nice, right? Well, actually, this plate belonged to a woman I used to work with. Her name was Lucy, and she was this little white-behived-haired lady who was as adorable as a puppy. She drove a red Cadillac with this plate. I laugh to myself whenever I think of her personalized plate, because she must have caused quite a stir when people saw it on the road. It reminds me of that “Seinfeld” episode where Putty went to a New Jersey Devils hockey game and painted his face red (when Elaine finds out he’s a “face painter”…”gotta support The Team”). He runs up to a cab with a priest in it and goes “Devils! Devils!” in this demonic voice and scares the shit out of the priest. I’m sure some really religious people were offended by Lucy’s plate. And I’m also sure she didn’t give a shit about it. P.S. “Lucifer” obviously was a play on her name, in case you didn’t get it.