If Personalized License Plates are a Window to the Soul, Some People are Just Morons

As you may remember, I spend a lot of time on the highways of Michigan, commuting for my job. Last year, I had a really long commute – I had a job that was 50 miles from my house. You can probably imagine all the cars I saw along my way…after all, I do live in “The Motor City!” No public transport here. No carpooling, either.

I no longer have the job that put 100 miles on my SUV per day, but I do have a job that puts 50 miles on my SUV per day, so I am still in commuter hell (although now, I only complain half as much). I still see a lot of cars, and that means, I see a lot of personalized license plates.

I spend way too much time thinking about these plates, especially when the personalized message is something confusing, and not immediately recognizable. While I really can’t stand personalized license plates, I totally appreciate those people who put plain and simple messages on their plates. But just because I appreciate it, doesn’t mean I have to like it (as you’ll see).

Here’s a sampling of some plates I’ve encountered on the highways of Michigan over the past couple of months (I’ve been storing them on my Blackberry whenever I see them!)

BLUVWIF – OK, seriously? Anyone know what in the fuck this means? B “luv” “wif”? “Blu” VW if? Yeah, I’m still pissed at this motorist.

TMEBOY – right away, I thought this one was something like “Tomboy”, until I took a looksey-loo at the driver. He was a middle-aged white man. So maybe, “Time Boy”? It should have said “Fucking Asshole” because that’s what I think of that plate.

DFORTX5 – Puzzling. Something about this plate means “x5” I’m sure of it – I just don’t know what “DFORT” means.

ESCAPAY – I couldn’t decide if this one was cute or not. I found it on a Ford Escape, so I have spent many minutes of my life trying to decide if it meant “Escape Pay” or “Esca-pay”.

WRKS4IT – Works for it. Works for What? Maybe I don’t want to know.

AZMOUSE – A-Z Mouse. ? Are they referring to Mickey Mouse? What Mouse?  Is this a Disney reference?  Mighty Mouse.  I wish I could smack some sense into this driver.  How dare they make me ponder their stupid, fucking license plate.

OPA PK – Fuck if I know on this one. At first I thought it was a Greek reference – how Greeks will say “Opa!” (Detroit has a “Greektown” so there are a lot of people from Greek descent around these parts). But the “PK” part – it doesn’t make sense.

7TKGOD7 – Again, I only understand a partial message here, and I’m guessing it’s got something to do with God.

MRSA663 – Mrs. A663: Is that her call numbers to her phone-sex line?

CMYSSGO – See my SS go. This person was driving a “SS” version of some-type of SUV.

SMILEMI – Smile Michigan! FUCK YOU.

JONSGT – Jon’s GT. He was in a Mustang GT, and I have to admit, I was quite jealous of Jon because that car was off the hook.

I'd like to know what some of you think these puzzling and nonsensical license plates mean.  Feel free to comment and let me know your ideas!