Friday, August 06, 2010

It's That Time of Year Again...

I'm stuck in the middle!
It's August.  You know what that means?  It means my birthday is right around the corner!  August 12th to be exact (just so you know -- so mark your calendars). 

My last few birthdays have been sort of an emotional roller coaster of sorts.  I suppose this year will be no different.  It's number 39...which means I'm one year closer to turning that 40 number.  I don't really feel like I am 39, which is what everyone probably says as they get older.

I was laying in bed this morning.  Thinking.  Bed is where I do most of my thinking, and it's actually my favorite place to be.  I was thinking about Daughter and how she's entering the THIRD grade this year.  She's growing into a little person right before my eyes.  Like an actual REAL person, not just some little kid.  It's amazing.

I was also reflecting on this past year, because so much has happened.  I passed the Bar exam (finally), and got a job as an attorney, which, considering the Michigan economy, and considering there's like 400 million attorneys in Michigan, was a down-right true-blue miracle.  (It's also a miracle considering my shitty grades from law school.  We won't even mention how many times I had to take the Bar.) 

A lot has happened this year, since I last celebrated my birthday.  I don't know what I'm expecting this next year to have in store for me, but I'm hoping it's positive.  I have been on a roll of sorts, it seems.  I also think this might be the last year that I'm willing to turn another year older, officially.  I'm going to stop counting.  Also, please smack me next year if I say something like how "40 is the new 30" or some ridiculous shit like that.  Because you know that I'm going to --  shit people -- 39 is the new 29!  hahaha  I like that.

I'm sure when you check in on me next week for my birthday post I'm going to be in a tizzy.  I don't like getting older.  I mean, don't get me wrong.  I love the wisdom that comes with growing older, I just don't like the wrinkles (THAT REMINDS ME...I need to get a few Botox injections in my forehead!) that come with growing older.  I also could do without the aches and pains, and the fact that I can no longer do a cartwheel without throwing out my back or breaking my neck or something -- yes, I tried several months ago to do one (I used to be able to rock the shit out of cartwheels, I could even do them one-handed) and I hurt myself.  I forgot that I wasn't 12 years old anymore.

And those people that say "oh, it's just a number" are completely full of shit.  They're probably the ones that are in the deepest stages of denial about growing older.  So don't you dare try to sell me that crap when I start complaining about getting older. 

When I grow old, I want to be her!
I'm going to wrap up this rant by saying -- it's not that I think 39 or 40 is old, because I don't.  Especially since I'm walking that tightrope myself.  It's just that it's not YOUNG.  It's in the middle.  And being "middle-aged" is sort of gross-sounding all in itself.  I think I'd rather be old than "middle-aged".  Mostly because of all the cliches that come with middle-age -- like the "mid-life crisis".  Fuck, I'm just hoping I go through a mid-life crisis.  Maybe get a 25-year old boytoy, buy a sportcar and lose 100 lbs. so I can prance around the neighborhood in a bikini.  LOL  Wouldn't that be hilarious?  Too bad I'm too tired in my middle age to want to put any kind of effort into any of that.  Because it makes me tired just thinking about a 25-year old boyfriend or all the exercise and effort losing 100 lbs. would take.  *YAWN*