Tuesday, April 13, 2010


Please excuse me and the following two posts.  There are many, many typos and I think I rambled on a bit too much at a few points.  Last night, I took an ambien before bed then decided to write on my blog.  I barely remembered doing this last night, until I logged on just now and fear siezed my heart.  LOL  I mention killing my husband twice and I say various forms of "fuck" about 3,000 times.  If I didn't know better, I would swear ignorance to writing these posts.

But I'm going to leave them how they are.  Despite their typos and mispellings.  At that point in my ambien haze, I start to see double-vision and it's just lucky I wrote in (relatively) complete sentences.  I'd love to hear your comments.  Maybe I should write more while flying high on ambien?  You be the judge. 

And in case you're wondering...I went to bed immediately after writing these posts and slept like the dead.  I don't even remember stirring once.  That ambien is some wonderfully powerful shit, in more ways than one.  And yes, I have a legal prescription, so you don't have to worry the DEA is going to bust me in some illegal ring or something.  :)

Monday, April 12, 2010

Fuck You, High School Muscial....Can't wait to see all of you in 20 years!

I feel like I need to start a little weekly post, about celebrities that make me feel old.  My biggest fear when I was in my tween-and -teen-and then college years, was that I would lose touch with "cool" music.  I mean, I am a child of the 70s, so I got to experience disco firsthand.  I was a tween-teen in the 80s, which was just so awesome in itself.  Then along came my college years -- growing up grunge.  I adored Nirvana with all of my hear and soul.  But who's the Nirvana today?  Is there even one?  If so, would I like their music?

So there's my background about music.  Was a Debbie Gibson, Tiffiany, New Kids on the Block fan.  I tried to find substance behind the fluff, which is why this week's installment hurts twice as much.  I was watch "High School Musical 2" (please dont judge me...I do i for the kid, I swear) and was checkingout Zac Effron (I think tht's how you spell his name).  Well, cute, boyish, teen bait, Zach made me feel like a dirty old woman.  Because while I have never really bee attracted to him, he made me want to be in that fucking musical with him, jumping around and doing all the dumb shit they were doing.  DAMN YOU, DISNEY AND ALL OF YOUR CUTE TEEN MOVIES.  I swear Cute Teen Movies is a sign of the apoclypse.  It has to be.  Save your souls!  You've been warned.

I Stroked-the-Fuck-Out Today and No One Gave A SHIT!

was fit to be tied today. Wait…that’s not even strong enough to express the depths of my anger today….I was seriously ready to completely and utterly STROKE-THE-FUCK-OUT today at work.

My boss had three clients coming into the office – one at 3pm, one at 4pm, and one at 5pm. Not a big deal, right?

Well it because a nuclear fucking bomb when you try to pawn off 3pm appointment to another attorney in the office, who, he himself has a 4pm appointment coming. Oh, and did I mention the 3pm appointment was “running late” and didn’t show up in the office until 3-fucking-thirty? OH YEAH I WENT THERE.

The 3pm (actually 3:30pm now) gets pawned off on Asshole Attorney. I’ve decided I’m going to be calling him for what he really is everyone. He’s a direct descendent from a long line of assholes, I’m quite sure.

The the 4pm person comes. My boss and I are working on a HOT HOT HOT DO IT NOW NOW FUCKING NOW project, that apparently, if it doesn’t get done, the world is goig to blow up, and children are going starving or some shit. And it case you are wondering IT NEVER GOT FINISHED.  Fuck those hungry starving children, sister girl an't got time for you today.

Back to 4pm appointment who was finally graced by the resence of my boss at 4:40. The 5:00pm appointment ended up finally being seen around 5:40pm and all the while, my ass is completely held hostage in their estate planning process because I’m signing their all important testamentary documents as a witness.

Want to know what time I finally got the fuck out the office tonight? Don’t worry I wont make you guess. It was SEVEN-FUCKING-THIRTY at least. Give or take a few minutes. That work schedule should blow me or something to keep here there that late.

I drove home in a blind rage ready to schew the stearing wheel off of my car because I called Husband's cell phone and there was no answer.  Which meant I had to call the house number and USE PRECIOUS MINUTES FOR CALL THE FUCKING LANDLINE.  Of course, Daughter picks up and says "Daddy'a right here"klsdjlk;sfjaksl;fj;salkfjasl;kfjasl;kjfla;skfjal;skfj that is the steam coming out of my ears.  PICK UP YO MUTHAFUCKING PHONE WHEN IT RINGS YOU FUCKING ASSHOLE.  DO NOT AVOID ME BECAUSE I AM YOUR QUEEN BITCH AND YOU WILL BOW TO ME.

You an imagine how our little family dinner when.  And yes, there were many apologize made BY me, but I didn't mean them.  I mean shit, people, I'm having one SUPER-CHARGED-FUCKED-UP DAY and you make no effort to kiss my ass, let alone cook your child dinner along with me, consdering your lazy fucking ass has been home for te last THREE GODDAMM HOURS. 

I have a feeling this post is going to either be great or come out like shit. I recently took an Ambien about 20 minutes ago and I’m loosing touch with my keyboard and my screen looks like wavy fabric.

All I really wanted to say when I start this rant is that I fucking understand those television shows with titles like “Snapped” and shit like that. Because I really feel there is going to be a day where I just stap. And I don’t mean I’m going to kill myself or my kid or something, or even anyone in my family (husband can breathe a sign of relief). Just something.

The Ambien is getting deeper and its making me harder to write. I was trying to ititiallly write about the rage I felt today but being high on Ambien softens the mood a bit, much to my chagrin. Although I’m sort of glad that my head isn’t going to explode off my head or anything, or that I’m going to stab Husband to death or something.

Don’t worry evernyone, I’m not a mental patient I just play one when I’m medicated. I’m even afraid to read what I’ve wrote so far, but I do know at least it should be interesting.

I was trying to captrure my rage and all I managed to capture what my rambling thoughts seen through an Ambien haze.