Monday, November 23, 2009

Soon To Be Living Life On The Dole

Goddammit. I noticed that my last blog post was on November 13, and now, 10 days later, I haven’t posted. Well, technically, this is a post, but you must realize that I had the thought about not posting before I posted.

If you’re still with me after that doozie of a sentence, I am writing to say that I haven’t written because I haven’t felt all that inspired to do so. A lot has changed in the last 10 days, and so the perpetual black cloud that seems to hide behind every corner is back, ready to take a nice, steaming shit all over my mood. To catch you up –

Riding the high of passing the Bar exam sure didn’t last very long. I found out last Monday that I am once again, losing my job. My last day at this job is November 23. MERRY CHRISTMAS! Welcome to Unemployment!

Husband says I should write a thank you note to my current boss, telling her how much I enjoyed working here and whatever happy horseshit I can work into the letter. You know--make it a proper ass-kissing letter. The mood I am in today – here’s how the letter would go:

Dear Boss:

Thank you so much for providing me the opportunity to get my hopes up into thinking that this company could be a place where I could set some roots. You have no idea how much I appreciate knowing that despite the fact that you acted like you wanted to mentor me, saying you wanted to be “like a mentor” apparently means that you were going to shit-can me as soon as possible. 
Thank you also for releasing me from this position just in time for me to “celebrate” the holiday season with my family. I am so glad I am not going to have any money for Christmas presents this year – thankfully, my daughter will think Santa Claus is the asshole for the sparse appearance of Christmas presents and not me (I truly thank you for that!).

I also would like to thank you for all of the constructive criticism you provided me while working here. Since I am leaving, I am going to probably forget everything you said since I will have no where to apply my new knowledge – so basically, you wasted your time (and mine!)

Thank you so much for giving me the opportunity to drive 100 miles round trip everyday to a job. I really loved getting to know the City of Livonia and its neighboring cities of Plymouth and Northville. Oh, and nevermind all of the miles I put on my leased vehicle, all of the money I spent on gas, and getting rear-ended a few weeks ago.  Those were bonuses!

Thank you for allowing me to sit on my ass at home while I collect unemployment through the winter (no snowy rush hour drives)!  I know the unemployment checks will be nowhere near what I was making at this job, but at least I will be getting paid for doing nothing – except sleeping in and watching talk shows (especially The Maury Show with its paternity and lie detector tests--WHOOPIE)!  I see that my dedication has been richly rewarded. Just goes to show me that persistence, hard work and dedication ultimately pays off!

Oh one last thing -- here's a big FUCK YOU.  I'm running over to the supply closet right after I type this so I can steal as many highlighters, pens and pencils as my purse will hold.  Tomorrow, I'm bringing a bigger purse.

With Warm Regards,
Me

4 comments:

perfectlycursedlife said...

Just don't get caught red-handed at the supply closet!

LiLu said...

The FIRST thing I was going to say was steal as many supplies as you can. Glad we're on the same page!

Christina said...

Ive never been unemployed - worked at a job 26 and 1/2 years before I quit to care for an ailing parent! I couldnt wait to get out from under a very demanding boss whom was 25 yrs my junior - a real upstart but tall & handsome too & lol , he knew it! But now as I sit back, still not working [its been 10yrs] I wonder that if I had written such a note that your husband suggests you do, I wouldnt have been rehired. Sorry to hear you lost yours before the holidays that's rough - but be optimistic you're bound to find another!!

mytruth1118 said...

dude, that sucks! I can't believe it. Your dream job is on the horizon, that is what a teacher told me when I was subbing. Well, actually she said i didn't get the job i interviewed for because there was something else better out there for me. I have to say that after two and half months into my job, i think she may have been right.