Things I Just Don't Get

There are certain things that come along -- whether it be in pop culture, or fashion, or whatever -- when I just don't understand what all of the hubbub is about. Here's my list of ten those things. I may revisit this topic someday, so stay tuned.

1. American Idol. Even from day 1, I was not a regular viewer. And yes, I have tuned in to the audition shows, and to finales, and to just everyday episodes. I just don't get all of the excitement about it, especially considering most of the "winners" are not all that successful. It's a glorified karoke contest, and you know I love me some karoke, so you know I'm not knocking it. And there are talented exceptions like Carrie Underwood and Kelly Clarkson. But seriously, between Ryan Seacrest and Paula just loving everything...I don't get it.

2. Lost. I'm sorry -- I've tried. I even ordered the first season on iTunes, and nearly got through it. I. Just. Don't. Care. Any show where I have to think that hard -- I'm tuning out. You already know I am more into junk TV than into anything substantial. I wish I was a fan so I can take part in all of the chatter about it. But I just don't get it.

3. The iPhone. Those of you out there who have one (and you know who you are) probably think I'm crazy for saying this -- and maybe it's because I don't have one. You know, to understand the craze of the iPhone, maybe I have to own one. But seriously. It was way overpriced to begin with (SUCKERS!) and there's too many stupid applications for it. It's a PHONE, people! It's bad enough I can already check email and go to Facebook from my shitty phone. When I finally do get an iPhone (or a reasonably similar phone) please go ahead an mock me. Until then, I am going to be the mockee.

4. HDTVs. Considering we just purchased a plasma TV, I shouldn't have this on my list. But I am finding it incredibly irritating when ever time we are watching TV, it gets pointed out how "Look! It's in HD!" Big Fucking Deal. The picture is clear and crisp. The colors are more vibrant. WHOOOPIE.

5. Ice Cream Cakes. I hate them because the cake is always frozen solid, and no one ever thaws them out properly. I just don't get the big deal...we just didn't get you a cake for your birthday, we got an ice cream cake! Again, WHOOOPIDIEE-DO.

6. Brad Pitt. I don't understand why women gush about him. I mean, he's good looking and all, but he's just not the end all-be all of male beauty. And his acting is meodicre. The only movie he was in where I was blown away by his performance was Fight Club and it was probably more the story than it was the actual presence of Brad Pitt.

7. Jessica Simpson. Why is this woman a star? Besides the fact that she is beautiful, she can't act or sing. Her music sucks and she's a moron. And for the record, I don't care that she gained a few pounds -- she's not fat. I would kill to be as "fat" as the tabloids say she is. OMG the woman has a figure instead of being a twig. Heaven forbid!

8. The Jonas Brothers, Miley Cyrus, High School Musical (1, 2 and 3). I know I probably have to be 11 years old to truly appreciate the awesomeness of Nick Jonas or Zac Efron...and yes, I know their names (I read Us!) -- but I am so sick of seeing their faces, I want to puke. And did anyone catch The Jonas Brothers on Saturday Night Live a few weeks ago? That one brother (I don't know his name -- maybe he's Nick) but he kept making these faces at the camera and it was so embarassing. I don't know if it was on purpose or what -- but seriously. Start rehearsing in front of the mirror because you look like a douchebag.

9. Gardening. Maybe my mind will change on this one when I'm like 50 years old or something, but I just don't understand why people love to garden. Whether it be food or flowers -- it just seems like a waste of time. And it looks like it's hard on the knees and back. Oh, and it looks like you have to do it in the middle of summer, so anything where I have to get all dirty and sweaty outside in the summer -- um, no thanks.

10. The Super Bowl. I know, you are all gasping in collective horror at this admission of mine. And believe me, I understand sports and football. The part I don't understand is why anyone cares so much about it. If it's not the team from your hometown/state, and the game is not played in your hometown/state, then what the fuck is the big deal? Are you really that emotionally invested in caring about some team from Miami or Pittsburgh or New England THAT MUCH? It's like "Whoo Hooo! The Stealers won the Superbowl!! OMG I'm so happy for them!!" WHY? You know what I think? "The Stealers won the Superbowl? Who Cares!" You know when I'll care? When the Lions make it to the Superbowl. Now that will be a good reason to have a party and get drunk with all your friends.