Thursday, October 25, 2012

I Confess...

In my effort to try and get some weekly topics to discuss, I introduce my "I Confess..." series.  Besides the title, I've found this little .jpg to accompany my weekly posts:

Now, before I begin my confessions for the week, I think I need to discuss "confession" itself.  You may know that it is a big part of being a Roman Catholic.  So much so, there's an app for that:


Personally, even though I am a "baptized" Catholic, I was married in a Catholic Church, and even baptized my own child Catholic, I am not a practicing Catholic and I've never been to confession.  I really don't know a lot about "being" Catholic, other than being able to check that box if asked.  Truthfully, while I don't agree 100% with what doctrine the Catholic Church believes, I do enjoy going to Mass.  The thing I like best about it is the routine of it.  I find it comforting.  But back to the confession thing.  One of the main reasons I haven't been to confession is that I find it kind of stupid.  I mean, if God is omnipresent, hasn't He seen all my sins?  Why do I need to go tell someone else?  I tend to think it's jack-off material for priests.  (Sorry.)  Especially if there's some really juicy, sexy sin involved.  (Sorry again.)  Besides, at this point in my life, my sins are kind of boring.  I like saying "goddammit" and I've lusted in my heart for a few of the cast members of "Magic Mike".  That's about it.  I haven't killed anyone (recently), I don't covet my neighbor's wife (or husband for that matter), and I haven't been thieving lately (or ever).  I've stopped overeating due to my recent membership to Weight Watchers (so you can cross off "gluttony"), and as far as the other 6 deadly sins -- envy...nope.  Except maybe Jessica Biel, and not because she just married Justin Timberlake, but because bitch wore a PINK wedding dress.  MY COLOR IS PINK.  I wish I would have thought of that.  Greed...nope.  I don't think I'm greedy.  I donate to worthy causes and I'm a generous gift-giver.  Next comes wrath.  What exactly does that mean?  I'm bitchy sometimes, and I will (often) say things that others won't say due to politeness, but wrath?  If we are speaking of anger, then yes, I suffer wrath sometimes, but as you may know, I've been taking my anti-depressants, and they are a great help with my anger, or wrath.  
That covers four of the deadly sins -- the last three are lust, sloth, and pride.  Hmmm.  Lust?  Yeah, ok, you got me there.  As aforementioned lust of a portion of the "Magic Mike" cast -- guilty as charged.  Sloth?  Yeah, I'm a bit slothy at times.  I mean, I'm not marathon runner, that's for sure.  I gotta work on this one.  Finally, comes pride.  I don't think I'm prideful, that's for sure.  I'm pretty humble (if I do say so myself) and I don't boast about accomplishments.  I'm pretty definite on this one, because I've known some prideful bitches, and those hoes are insufferable.
So there you go.  Looks like I'm guilty of some of the deadly sins, but not all, and as far as the 10 Commandments go, I think I'm pretty good on those, save for the frequent "goddamming" of everything under the sun.  But who do you know that is perfect?
On to this week's confessions...
1)  I confess...that I rather enjoy being naked.  Just this morning I was talking to Husband naked while he was in our computer room.  I had just gotten out of the shower and my clean clothes were downstairs in the laundry room.  I joked about doing the vacuuming naked.  Don't get me wrong, I enjoy being naked, but you're not going to catch my naked ass doing housework.  You're also not going to catch me sleeping naked or joining a nudist colony.  I'm comfortable with my nakedness, but I'm not comfortable with YOUR nakedness.
2)  My next confession comes to you with the World Series in mind:  I confess...I'm not a Justin Verlander fan.  I've been holding on to this confession for the last several weeks, due to the idea that I may jinx my dear Detroit Tigers should I utter it out loud.  However, after last night's performance, I cannot hold it in any longer.  I don't like him.  I don't think he's cute and I want to barf when I see some of my friends on Facebook talking about how yummy he is (BARF).  I think he's full of himself, and I think he believes his own hype and that's what caused him to do poorly last night.  I don't get why everyone in Detroit wants to lick his hypothetical balls and I think our other pitchers are just as good.  I'm sorry.  Maybe I am not just a big enough baseball fan where I can compare him to other pitchers on other teams.  I couldn't name another pitcher in the MLB besides who pitches for the Tigers...but seriously.  Get over yourself, Justin Verlander.  Doug Fister is cuter, and so is Max Scherzer, even with his eyes that don't match. 
3)  I confess...I hate candy corn.  Since Halloween is right around the corner, I must share my hatred of this candy.  My mom LOVES candy corn, so there was always candy corn around during Halloween.  I have tried to like it but it's gross.  I'd rather eat chocolate calories.  And while we are on the subject of holiday candy, I also hate Peeps. But I like marshmallow.  Go figure. 
Do you have a confession you'd like to share?

1 comment:

kim said...

1. I don't really like being naked at all. Except to sleep.

2. I'm not a huge JV fan. At least not in the way you're describing. I don't think he should have been MVP last year (I don't think starting pitchers should be MVPs) and I don't think he's attractive. I do think he's an amazingly talented pitcher who is a great asset to our team and all, but the hype is often too much.

3. I also hate candy corn. Gross.