The Sisterhood of the Travelling Pantsuits

Dammit, if this freaking election hasn't made me insane...I usually don't talk about politics. The only person I really have discussions with about politics is Husband. To me, politics is a lot like religion. I just don't feel comfortable talking about it. But I do enjoy antagonizing my dad, politically disagreeing with him every chance I get. I love taking the opposite of whatever he thinks just so I can see his facial expressions. As I told my friend SG -- during one of my visits to my parents house, my dad was sitting at his computer with his back to me. I came up behind him, and asked him (smirking on the inside, mind you) who he was voting for this election...he whipped around in his chair so fast with this GLARE on his face -- as I told Ms. SG, I wished I had a video camera because I would have SO posted it on YouTube. But back to the subject of this post.


I'm sitting here right now, watching the Democratic National Convention, and Hillary (The Hillary) is giving her speech. And double-dammit, if I am actually standing up applauding the television. No matter what you think of her (and believe me, I was among the many who really didn't like her -- she just seemed so harsh.) But I think during the primary race, she came a long way in my book. She knew her shit during the debates and had some good ideas. I liked to daydream sometimes during the primary race over what having a woman president would be like. (I was a fan of Geena Davis' short-lived show, "Commander In Chief" after all). I felt part Mary Tyler Moore-part "you've come a long way baby" during the daydreams. It certainly would have been something to see. But I guess it's just not time to have a female president. But we are close, that's for sure.

Even Husband admitted he admired her in a way. And you must know that for him to say that -- hell froze over. This is the same man that said something to me about 18 months ago that went a little like this: "I'd never vote for a woman for president because women are too emotional." Or some bullshit like that. I nearly ripped his tongue out. I told him he should be ashamed of himself, considering he has a daughter -- and he tells her she can be anything she wants to be (oh, except President, because you women are too emotional, and even though you're only 5, and you don't understand why I said that, I am going to be a man-pig and secretly hope that when you grow up you continue to hit the glass ceiling because of your hormones.) Excuse me, I digress. ;)

I guess the whole point of this post, is that -- Dang it Hill, I admire the hell out of you, in your sharp-ass pumpkin pantsuit. I'm sure it certainly took a ginormous set of brass balls to run for President, especially when it's been a good 'ole boys club of white men for the last 200+ years. That shit can't be overlooked.

(And in case you're wondering, I didn't think up the title of this post on my own. Hillary said it during her speech and I had to steal it.)

Do You Think I'm Crazy?

And no, that's not a rhetorical question for you, I really need to know if you think I'm crazy.

As you know, I've been among the unemployed for the last 5 weeks, and The Job Hunt is proving to be Quite Unsuccessful at this point. You know this already, as I have whined incessantly about if the the last 5 weeks. That's not the part I need you opinion on, as I don't think it's all that crazy.

Last weekend, I started thinking about the military, and specifically, the JAG Corps as a possible career choice. And long story short, I thought it would be a decent career choice, probably exciting, probably difficult to do, and probably rewarding. I did a bunch of research on the Navy and the Army, and visited my local Navy recruiter. After learning that the Navy Reserves would be a 6-year commitment, training would last 26 weeks (or something like that) and then deployment would probably be somewhere like Norfolk, VA, I was still interested. Unfortunately, after a couple of phone discussions, I learned my underactive thyroid, which is treated with medication, disqualifies me from joining the Navy. I was actually disappointed. That was Thursday.

Friday, I came across a Paralegal job posting on Career Builder for the Air National Guard, based out of Selfridge Air Force Base, which is seriously, 5 minutes from my house. And tomorrow, I am going to call to find out more about it. The job posting says that it's "part-time" and enlistment is required. Training is 6-10 weeks. Or something like that. I have been thinking about this career possibility, and it makes me excited for some reason. Am I crazy? Here are the pros:

1. The base is so close to my house
2. It's part-time, and depending on what that means, could actually mean I'd have time to be home for my kid
3. If I have to wear a uniform, I could save major coin on clothes
4. Government jobs have great benefits
5. I could retire after 20 years, and really, in 20 years, I'll be 57 and retiring at 57 sounds awesome

I could name a few more, but I think I must be crazy to be this excited about working for the Air National Guard. And as a paralegal, at that. I mean, even the possibility of having to be shipped off for training, and even if it was basic training, doesn't turn me off. Of course, there's always the possibility that I'm too old (JAG Corps age limit was 42, but I don't know if it's different for paralegals.) Did I really spend $100k+ on an education, only to get a paralegal job? I don't know. I am thinking that one of my questions to the recruiter, is asking about a career path to the JAG Corps. And I won't be mentioning my thyroid!

So Am I Crazy? And I mean more that before?

(P.S. This is totally unrelated, but I was flipping through the stations as I was writing this, and Dr. Rey (from Dr. 90210) is on HSN, shilling his underwear/shapewear, and I find it incredibly obnoxious that he is wearing scrubs-type clothing and a FUCKING STETHOSCOPE! Is it me or does anyone else think that is so arrogant and obnoxious? I hate Dr. Rey. He's such an asshole.)

My Life To-Do List

About 7 or 8 years ago, I had put together a list of things I wanted to do or accomplish in my life. A "life to-do list" of sorts. Unfortunately, my computer crashed and I ended up losing everything on my hard drive, so I don't have the list anymore. I have often wanted to make up another one, but for some reason, I never have. Until now. :) Some of the things I remember on the list are things I've done -- namely, having a baby and graduating from law school.

I'll have to update this from time to time, when I think of new things...but here it goes for now.

1. Places I want to travel to: Paris, London, Los Angeles, New York, Key West
2. Become a really good cook
3. See U2 in concert
4. Get a kitten
5. Run a marathon

Well, that's all I can think of for now. I wonder how many of these I'll actually do before I croak?

In Case You Were Wondering...

In case you were wondering how I celebrated my birthday:

Family Celebration: included a pizza dinner at The Alibi (my choice) and dinner with Dad, Mome, Husband and Daughter. My dad spent the entire dinner talking about himself (nothing new there) and my mom spent the entire dinner telling him that no one gives a shit about what he's talking about (once again, nothing new there) -- which was only about 40% correct, considering Husband was asking him questions and I was listening with one of my ears (the other was listening to my mother). Daughter spent the entire dinner being a 5-year-old, and the highpoint was when I ate an antipasto salad. You may remember I think I have a stomach issue with lettuce, so I was really walking on the ledge with that. I ended the night NOT shitting my brains out (excuse me for saying, but I had to), which I consider a win. :) Maybe the lettuce thing was a phase?

Friend Celebration: Shannon, Jody and I went karaoke-ing at a new bar. I promptly got shit-faced (not sloppy, but enough to be feeling like life was good) and here's what I sang:

1) Add it Up (Violent Femmes)
2) Save a Horse, Ride a Cowboy (Big and Rich) -- duet with Shannon
3) Don'cha (Pussycat Dolls) -- also a duet with Shannon

Some highlights -- Shannon brought her hula hoop and it was a barn burner! That hoop brings more attention that if I were to rip off my shirt and run around the place topless. Also, some random guy (who was drunk, I am assuming) came up to me and shook my hand after "Add It Up" and said something like "I suppose it only goes as far as a handshake" or something similar. EWWWW. Fuck off!

Mark showed up about 11:30, which was fun. He works with Shannon and is one of the funniest people I've ever met. He's like 60 years old and acts like he's 13. HYSTERICAL. I love him.

Overall, it was a decent night. I had a good time and it was fun to get out and get drunk and sing some Femmes. Here's looking at #38.....!

Happy Birthday to Me

Yeah...not really. I'm not in the Mood.

Today I am another year older. Last night I nearly had a nervous breakdown (not really, but go with me on this for a minute) at the thoughts of what this past year has given me, and at the thought of what I want this new year to bring me.

So in no particular order, here is what My 36th year gave me:

1. I took the bar exam (twice)

2. I got fired from my job and lost a good friend in the process (or at least I thought she was a good friend)

3. I nearly called it quits on my marriage

4. I got into a car accident

Sorry -- I can't think of anything positive that I got out of 36. And here is what I am hoping that 37 brings me:

1. Passing the bar exam (and hopefully, not having to take that exam YET AGAIN)

2. A fabu new job that gives me more time to spend with my family, a sense of satisfaction, and preferably, one that I can either do out of my house or at least close to it

3. Sticking to a new exercise/diet plan (excuse me, "healthy lifestyle")

I am also spending a lot of time thinking about getting older. I went to the eye doctor last week to get checked out and I was telling the doctor how I have a little bit of trouble reading small print -- and believe me, that was hard enough saying out loud, because I definitely do not want to have to wear bifocals...ugh. Anyway, she said something to the effect that usually that type of thing starts to happen at 40 and I'm a little too young for it to start now...and her saying that felt like a slap in the face because I am closer to 40 now than 30, and it just sort of freaked me out. And don't get me wrong, it's not that I think 40 is OLD or something, because I don't, I just never thought of myself as being a 40-year-old. I mean -- think about it. It's totally throwing me for a loop. I can't wait to see the nervous breakdown I have when I actually DO turn 40. It should be an interesting birthday, that's for sure.

I don't know why I am being such a douchebag about this whole birthday thing. I always loved celebrating my birthday, why is this year so different? My birthday was always my favorite day of the year -- the one day of the year that was all about ME. The focus was on me and how fabulous I am. This year, I just want to crawl under a rock. Why? I wish I had an answer.

One of the things that made me the saddest was going to the mailbox today and the only birthday card that was there was one from Art Van -- "come buy some furniture, and here's a birthday coupon!" But I know that my family and friends will all give me a card when I see them, but somehow that logic didn't matter when I went through the mail. WTF is wrong with me today? I think I am going to get drunk at my birthday dinner with my family tonight. Nothing like a few cocktails to make you feel better, right???

You Know What I Love?

The Addams' Family, that's what. I was reminded how much I love that TV show yesterday, when I was flipping through the channels and came across the "Biography" station. The featured biography was Carolyn Jones, better known as Morticia Addams.

My love of the Addams Family dates back to when I was a kid and my dad introduced me to all the the 1960s, cheesy TV shows -- namely, the Addams Family and The Munsters. It was love at first sight as far as I was concerned regarding the Addams' (I won't even go into how The Addams Family is far superior to The Munsters...or at least not at this time). I mean -- Gomez, Morticia, Uncle Fester, Cousin Itt, Grandmama, Lurch, Thing...I loved them all.

I haven't had the pleasure of watching any old reruns in a long time. When Pete and I moved into our house 11 years ago, we had a satellite dish (you know, one of those really HUGE ones where you're neighbors think you're some freak because you have this giant thing in your backyard)? Oh yeah, we had it. Because cable sucked back then. Anyway, the dish picked up TV Land (which was not on cable at the time) and they used to show the re-runs of The Addams Family. I was thrilled to death when I was able to watch the Addams' on a daily basis...sigh.

Just to give you a rundown of why I love the show, here's some brief comments:

Gomez: The man is a lawyer who gets joy out of losing his cases. A crazy eccentric, he loves smoking cigars, blowing up model trains and is madly in love with Morticia. What is not to love about Gomez? Between the crazy eyes and the pinstriped suit and the indoor gymnastics...for some reason Gomez always reminded me of my dad. There is a bit of a resemblance, but I don't know what else makes me think of my dad. Maybe it's because he introduced me to the show? Pete and I once saw the episode where Gomez ran for Mayor. That definitely reminded me of my dad with all the politics. :)

Morticia: I swear, one of these days I am going to get me a Morticia dress. The lady was hot in that crazy get-up. I loved when she fed her venus flytrap plan ground beef, and that she cut the heads off her roses. And I loved that when she spoke French, Gomez would go crazy like they were on a first date or something. "Tish! You spoke French...!" (grabbing her arm and kissing it all the way up. CLASSIC.

Other odds and ends: Wednesday's Marie Antionette doll (with guillotine accessory), Lurch and the harpsicord, the noose that the family would ring when wanting to summond Lurch, handy-dandy Thing and his helpful lending-a-hand, Uncle Fester and the light bulbs, the bearskin rug that growled...

All of this makes me wonder: WHY IN THE FUCK DON'T I OWN THIS SHOW ON DVD???

I'm Not in the Mood

I can't believe it's August 4th already. This summer has flown by. I guess it doesn't help that I have spent 2/3 of the summer studying. :( Ugh. I don't even want to get into The Bar Exam. It was a complete and total nightmare, and I had a complete and total MELT-DOWN last Tuesday night, which ended with me getting slightly drunk and crying myself to sleep because I was convinced I am a total failure. My losing my job doesn't help that thought either.

I am in such a crabby mood this evening, I want to scream at someone. I am frustrated in this whole job search because I have no fucking clue what direction to go in, and Pete keeps applying to jobs for me (doesn't bother to tell me, thankyouverymuch) and he is of the feeling that I should just GET A JOB. Doesn't matter what, just GET A JOB. I, of course, have a completely opposite attitude about it -- I am looking for the perfect job. He makes me insane. Everything lately makes me insane.

When am I going to catch a break? It doesn't help that my birthday is next week. This is the first year that I can remember dreading my birthday. Usually, I'm all over it. I'm excited. It's a day all about me, right? This year, I just want to crawl under a rock and have it be done already. I don't know if it is because I am getting older or because I am unemployed or if it's just a combination of everything. I know I am sounding all "poor me" -- but seriously.

I am just not in the mood to look for the silver lining tonight. Frig.