Sunday, January 11, 2009

What Would I Give to Me Circa 1984?*

*In my friend SG's blog, Perfectly Cursed Life, she makes a post on what she would tell her 13-year-old self -- "What Would I Give to Me Circa 1994?" After reading her post, I started thinking about this same question -- although she gave herself things, wereas, I thought about what advice I would give myself. Of course, I can't be as serious as she is -- so bear with me as a put my own brand of humor on this question, and try to mix in some seriousness too.

Advice I would give to the 13-year-old me:

1. Rick Springfield is not going to come and marry you. He's the same age as your father, so besides it being illegal, it's also gross. So stop dreaming that one day he is going to come and rescue you. And see #7 below.

2. Get involved in some sports or something. The exercise will do your body and mind a lot of good.

3. Get a decent haircut. Your hair is naturally curly -- and you're not going to discover this for another 12 years, so let me help you get through some bad hair years and let you in on this secret now. Have your mother buy you some decent products and run with it. And when I say "decent" I don't mean Dep gel or some crappy mousse, I mean some quality products. Although your mother is naturally cheap and will probably not buy you salon products, but find some liquid gel made by a company that knows hair and use it. Oh and try and grow your hair out. The curls will be nicer.

4. Beg your parents for contacts. I'm sure they are going to be stubborn and not let you get them, but throw a tantrum or something -- you never do it, so maybe they will give in. If you absolutely have to get glasses, get something with a smaller frame and DON'T TINT THEM. You'll cringe in 25 years at old pictures. And don't get the "Battlestar Galactica" ones for God's sake. That was a bad idea.

5. You're not fat so stop thinking you are.

6. You're also not ugly. It's the bad hair and the glasses that are making you think you are. You're actually going to turn out to be really cute.

7. Boys are dumb, so stop putting all of your self-worth and self-esteem in their hands. I know that you're going to continue to do this, so if you can find a way to nip this in the bud at the ripe old age of 13, your 37-year-old self will thank you.

8. Stop being such a picky eater. Try new food and eat more vegatables. God is going to get back at you for this in the form of your daughter. Remember how frustrated mom gets when you won't eat something? You're going to live it when your daughter acts the same way (and yes, you're going to have a daughter).

9. Continue to love books. Books rock (still).

10. Your mom is going to continue to annoy the shit out of you. Just accept it and realize she loves you and is trying her best. You know her mom is a poor example of a mother, so don't be too hard on you when she acts like a jackass.

11. Your family is dysfunctional -- you probably already know this. They are never going to be perfect and are always going to be thorns in your side. You can either accept them the way they are and accept it, or not. If I were you (and I am), it might be easier for you to just accept it and move on.

12. Rebel a little. Life is short. You don't always have to follow the rules. It will do your soul a little bit of good to kiss a few more boys or get drunk a few times in high school. NOT NOW, of course. But do this in high school. The worst thing that will happen is that you'll get caught and get grounded, and since you get grounded for dumb shit like not taking out the garbage, at least get grounded for doing something kick-ass like staying out past your curfew. Just don't turn into an alcoholic or a slut (save those for your 30s...haha)

13. Finish your Master's Degree in English. I know this may not make a lot of sense now, but just do it. Follow your dream of becoming a college professor, because even if it doesn't work out, you can still go to law school when you're 32 and try that out for a bit.

14. I know that being 13 is difficult...just know that after high school, your life is going to get 100x better. College rocks and so does being an adult. Just try and remember that when you're down on life.

15. And last, but not least -- believe in yourself because you are an awesome person. And I'm not just saying it because I'm you -- you really are.

So y'all...what advice would you give your 13-year-old self?

2 comments:

mytruth1118 said...

seriously, that was a great post. I would actually like to print that out and tell it to my daughter in a a year or so. Yes I said a year or so, she will be 12 in June!

Samantha Grace said...

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