Thursday, May 07, 2009

I Interrupt this Vacation Recap for A Very Important List

I feel like this cat.

I need to warn you that I am in an ESPECIALLY irritable mood and have been for the last three days. Some of the things in this post are bitchy, mean, insensitive and cold-hearted. I am not apologizing because I’m just being honest. I’m just warning you that you’re being exposed to my ugly side…

Things that I find especially irritating at this moment:
That AT&T commercial where the boyfriend is leaving to go on a trip and he texts his girlfriend pictures of him in front of Big Ben (“Hi from London”), the Eiffel Tower (“Hi from Paris”), and then eventually, texts here a picture of herself (“Hi from…”) and she turns around and he’s there. This commercial irritates me because of the stupid little knit hat the boyfriend wears throughout the commercial…I don’t know why it bothers me so much but he looks like Enrique Inglasias and really doesn’t need some “cool” hat to look cute. I am also irritated by the cute little song that is playing in the background because I find myself singing along to it everytime the fucking commercial comes on. I hate the cuteness of the whole dang thing. I’ve seen this commercial way too many times. Everything about it is JUST SO SICKENINGLY CUTE. AT&T deserves a strongly worded letter from me.

The fact that I haven’t received the letter from the State Bar yet to tell me whether I passed the Bar exam or not. I’ve counted the days on the calendar, and the letters come out like CLOCKWORK. I mean, everytime I took the exam, I received the letter in the mail the EXACT day I thought it would come. Except for this time. It should have come on Saturday while I was in Florida. But it did not. And now, everyday, I am driving Husband crazy (as well as myself) because the first question I ask him around 4:30pm is “Did The Letter come?” It is driving me insane and I’ve decided the reason I have been in a foul mood the past few days is because of the fucking letter. Just get here already so I can move on with my life. I would write the State Bar a strongly worded letter if I wasn’t so afraid of them. Yeah, I said it. They strike fear in my heart because my future is in their hands. But if I had bigger balls, I’d write one to tell them how unacceptable this waiting period is.

My commute home from work yesterday. Normally, this doesn’t bother me. I know I live far away from work and I deal with it. Yesterday, some asshole decided he wanted to attempt suicide by jumping off the overpass bridge on the main freeway I take home. I don’t mean to be insensitive (actually, I DO mean to be insensitive, because for God’s sake he was on the overpass for NINE HOURS). WTF? How long does it take to talk someone down from an overpass? Apparently it takes hours…at the expense of thousands of people during their commute. As one of my friends mentioned yesterday, even when there is a bear or some wild animal on the loose, it doesn’t take nine hours to capture them. You shoot it with a tranquilizer and then…DONE. Life goes on for everyone involved. When the news reported the story last night, the said the police apologized for taking so long, but these are the types of things “you don’t want to rush.” Acutally, you DO want to rush these things, otherwise thousands of people are inconvenienced and the police spend nine hours waiting on some asshole to jump (or in this case, not). I’m sorry for being insensitive (I really do) but I just have no tolerance for people and their dramatic suicide attempts. I know the economy sucks, but if you’re going to do it, do it in the privacy of your own home like everyone else and don’t make a spectacle of yourself. He obviously didn’t really want to die, he just wanted attention. If I knew the man’s name, he’d be getting a strongly worded letter.

My friends on Facebook that have nothing interesting to say in their status messages – most often are the ones who can only can post shit about their kids/kids activities/husbands/family/blah blah blah. So your life is perfect and great and your kids are awesome. I don’t want to hear about Little Jimmy’s cub scout meetings or Little Susie’s bake sale at school. I don’t give a rat’s ass about how perfect your husband is (goody, goody, gumdrops for you) and I feel sorry for you because it’s apparent you have no other life that one that is wrapped up in your kids and your husband and you no longer have an identity. I mean, I know I often blog about Husband and Daughter so I am probably guilty of this myself. But I also have other interests, hobbies, and I have a life separate from them. I sometimes feel like unfriending these friends because reading their status messages means I just wasted 2 seconds of my life that I’ll never get back. But because I really am a nice person (despite the venom I am spewing in this post), I will not be writing any strongly worded status messages to my friends to tell them they need to get a life. But they should be getting one.

My local newscasts. Every story is about the doom and gloom that is the automotive industry. No wonder that guy wanted to jump off the freeway bridge. They said he was a 51-year-old auto worker who had lost his job back last November. I am assuming that he still hasn’t found a new job and no wonder. I doubt there are many jobs for an out-of-work 51-year-old autoworker right now. The newscasts sure don’t help the situation. I decided last night that I am no longer watching the news because it’s always bad news and it gives me anxiety. I am already on medication. I get anxiety and depressed and those newscasts make me feel like the world is coming to an end. So, no more. I am going to gladly put my head in the sand and get my news third person from Husband. My local Fox station is getting a strongly worded letter, I think.

That WGN (station out of Chicago that is on my cable) shows the same freakin’ “Scrubs” episodes over and over. There are like three billion episodes of “Scrubs” in syndication, yet last night, they were showing the episodes where JD meets the blonde urologist (that he ends up having the baby with.) I have seen those particular episodes, I swear, at least four times. WHAT THE HELL, WGN? Can’t you reach into the vault and dust some other episodes off? The fact that I get to watch “Scrubs” uninterrupted (Husband and Daughter are asleep in bed) from 11pm – midnight is one of my small luxuries. I HATE having to watch the same ones over and over when it’s been on television for the past 65 years and so there’s a million episodes in syndication. That’s it. WGN is getting a strongly worded letter too.

Don’t piss me off today or you’ll be getting a strongly worded letter as well. Believe me, they would all start like this:

“Dear Asshole(s),

You are an asshole because….”

After all, don’t you think, people should be called out when they’re being assholes? And before you go posting a comment on this post calling me an asshole, I’m going to cancel it out right now because I KNOW I’m being an asshole. So there. I beat you to it. (me sticking my tongue out at you…)


Phoebe Caulfield said...

I HATE when facebook friends can't shut the fuck up about their SO's in their statuses. Some girl I went to high school with has a boyfriend who is deployed, and she updates her status MULTIPLE TIMES A DAY regarding only her undying love for him. WE GET IT. YOU LIKE YOUR DEPLOYED BOYFRIEND. SHUT. UP.

Laura Kinker said...

wow. that's all i can say. and to think, you just returned from vacation. but seriously - i know that letter things is beyond stressing you out. maybe the delay means GOOD news!! hope it gets there quickly and makes you happy.

Samantha Grace said...

I HATE local newscasts soooooooooo much. My parents love them. Maybe that's why.