Tuesday, August 11, 2009

Makeovers Make Me Giddy

I love makeovers. I love TV shows about makeovers. I love “What Not to Wear”, “How Do I Look?” and every other makeover show under the sun. I even love “Extreme Home Makeover”, but usually don’t watch it all that much because the fucking show makes me cry every damn time. And I cry because there are a lot of people out there who get dealt a shitty hand in life, and yet they can sometimes find something to inspire them to do great things. It just reminds me that I haven’t done anything inspirational in my own life and I feel like such a failure. (Because, as you should understand, ultimately, I can find a way to make everything about me. Even home makeover shows.)

But as I was saying…I love me a good makeover program. I was thinking that someone should start up a Life Makeover show or something. The contestant would be given a choice of new lives – something similar to The Showcase Showdown on Price is Right. It reminds me of that guy in Australia who auctioned his “life” away on eBay a while back. He was recently divorced and, I’m guessing, wanted a fresh start. So his auction consisted of his apartment, all of his worldly possessions, his friends, and even his job (if you “won” the auction, you got to interview for it or something like that.) He ended up getting like $100k or something for it – and although he was hoping for more money, he ended up going on a trip around the world or whatever. I remember seeing his website. Click here if you’re curious to see what he did after he sold his life.

I’m thinking that my life makeover show could be something similar to this. You could get a chance to move somewhere new, have a job waiting for you, and some new friends to help you get acclimated. I know it would get complicated if you had kids, or were married, or both. Ooooo…this also reminds me of the idea I had where marriage licenses should have expiration dates. Like every 10 years, it expires and you have the option to renew it if you’d like – and if not, you both just move on. No divorces anymore just expired marriages. It certainly would make things easier, I think. Don’t get me wrong, I know there are a lot of complicated issues sometimes in marriages, such as child custody, alimony, property division, etc. (the lawyer in me is taking over here) but there could be a document included in your marriage license that would already settle this issue. (In case you’re wondering if I would have renewed my marriage license at the 10-year mark – yes, I would have renewed it. But I am not sure I’d renew it at the 20-year mark. This year makes 14 years I’ve been married, and I have to admit, the last 3 or 4 have been a bit of a struggle. Hopefully, it’s just cyclical and shit will smooth out eventually. I’m a patient person and willing to find out.)

I digress.

Maybe part of the life makeovers would include trading your life with someone famous or rich. It certainly would help in making the world a more understanding place if a rich person or people of privilege had to take a stint as a homeless person or if they had to live in the ghetto for a while (neither of which I’ve done, but I did spend a good chunk of my early years living in a trailer, which I think keeps me grounded).

Too bad we can’t just plug our brains into a computer (like in The Matrix) and download shit to make us have skills we don’t possess, or know things we don’t know yet. Like learning a foreign language or understanding physics. That way, we could take turns being surgeons, teachers, the Queen of England, Angelina Jolie, or a German biologist. The possibilities are endless.

Is this just crazy talk, or am I on to a good idea? Impossible, yes…I understand. But still a good idea.

And I still think the expiration date on marriage licenses is GENIUS.

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