Happy Birthday to Me

Yeah...not really. I'm not in the Mood.

Today I am another year older. Last night I nearly had a nervous breakdown (not really, but go with me on this for a minute) at the thoughts of what this past year has given me, and at the thought of what I want this new year to bring me.

So in no particular order, here is what My 36th year gave me:

1. I took the bar exam (twice)

2. I got fired from my job and lost a good friend in the process (or at least I thought she was a good friend)

3. I nearly called it quits on my marriage

4. I got into a car accident

Sorry -- I can't think of anything positive that I got out of 36. And here is what I am hoping that 37 brings me:

1. Passing the bar exam (and hopefully, not having to take that exam YET AGAIN)

2. A fabu new job that gives me more time to spend with my family, a sense of satisfaction, and preferably, one that I can either do out of my house or at least close to it

3. Sticking to a new exercise/diet plan (excuse me, "healthy lifestyle")

I am also spending a lot of time thinking about getting older. I went to the eye doctor last week to get checked out and I was telling the doctor how I have a little bit of trouble reading small print -- and believe me, that was hard enough saying out loud, because I definitely do not want to have to wear bifocals...ugh. Anyway, she said something to the effect that usually that type of thing starts to happen at 40 and I'm a little too young for it to start now...and her saying that felt like a slap in the face because I am closer to 40 now than 30, and it just sort of freaked me out. And don't get me wrong, it's not that I think 40 is OLD or something, because I don't, I just never thought of myself as being a 40-year-old. I mean -- think about it. It's totally throwing me for a loop. I can't wait to see the nervous breakdown I have when I actually DO turn 40. It should be an interesting birthday, that's for sure.

I don't know why I am being such a douchebag about this whole birthday thing. I always loved celebrating my birthday, why is this year so different? My birthday was always my favorite day of the year -- the one day of the year that was all about ME. The focus was on me and how fabulous I am. This year, I just want to crawl under a rock. Why? I wish I had an answer.

One of the things that made me the saddest was going to the mailbox today and the only birthday card that was there was one from Art Van -- "come buy some furniture, and here's a birthday coupon!" But I know that my family and friends will all give me a card when I see them, but somehow that logic didn't matter when I went through the mail. WTF is wrong with me today? I think I am going to get drunk at my birthday dinner with my family tonight. Nothing like a few cocktails to make you feel better, right???