Wednesday, April 01, 2009

Unforgettable...That's What You Are

Recently, Husband and I went to the movies and saw “The Watchmen”. Husband is a closet comic book nerd (and don’t you dare ever tell him I outed him) and had been anxiously awaiting the release of this movie since he first heard it was in production. He had read “The Watchmen” – the graphic novel (it’s not a comic book) when it first came out, apparently when he was in high school. A few years ago, I had given him a hardcover copy of it for his birthday or something – after realizing it existed and that he wanted it.

The day it opened – we were one of the first in line to see it. Granted, the movie theatre is not very busy on a Friday morning at 10:00am, but still. I had the day off, and he was covering the afternoon shift for someone at work…so it just sort of worked out perfectly that we could go see “The Watchmen” at its first showing on its Opening Day.

I was not as excited as Husband to see the movie, although, I had read the graphic novel a couple of years ago, and found the story intriguing. It’s not your typical comic book. The lines between good and evil are blurred, and it’s a thought-provoking, complicated story. The superheroes are not your typical superheroes. They are flawed and lack any kind of defining superhero powers. There is not a storybook happy ending. Despite all of this (or because of it, take your pick) I did want to see it and went with him willingly.

One of the first fight scenes in the movie involves one of the characters getting the shit kicked out of him, after someone breaks into his high-rise apartment…and ends with him being thrown out his window and tumbling to his death (splat!) on the streets of New York. The fight sequence was really good, but the thing that struck me was the soundtrack. This fight was put to the song, “Unforgettable” by Nat King Cole:

Unforgettable, that’s what you are
Unforgettable though near or far
Like a song of love that clings to me
How the thought of you does things to me
Never before has someone been more

Unforgettable in every way
And forever more, that’s how you’ll stay
That’s why, darling, its incredible
That someone so unforgettable
Thinks that I am unforgettable too

Unforgettable in every way
And forever more, that’s how you’ll stay
That’s why, darling, its incredible
That someone so unforgettable
Thinks that I am unforgettable too

“Unforgettable” is a song that is special to Husband and me. It was our wedding-couple-dance song. A few days after seeing “The Watchmen”, Husband and I are driving somewhere and he is playing a CD. I realize the song is one from the soundtrack of “The Watchmen” which reminded me that I wanted to buy it (it’s really good). I ask what we’re listening to, and he responds that it’s the soundtrack to “The Watchmen”. Great minds think alike, I guess. After another song or two, “Unforgettable” comes on. I half expected Husband to fast forward it to the next track, but he plays the whole thing...(awwwww…I see he still thinks its special). We end up taking about it a little, and how it defines our relationship.

As some of you may know, Husband infuriates me more than any human being alive. Except maybe my mother. He gets under my skin and makes me feel like I am going to explode like a nuclear bomb sometimes. He’s bossy, overbearing, opinionated and stubborn. He never thinks he wrong. He tries to run my life and gets frustrated when I don’t do what he thinks I should do – um…no, I have a brain and I’m grown and I will do what I think is best for me, thanks.

Despite all of his flaws, however, Husband is certainly one of the most unforgettable people in my life. He is my husband, and I’ve spent over 20 years of my life with him, sharing experiences and sharing life. He’s the father of my child, and I will forever be grateful to him for giving me such a beautiful and wonderful daughter. He is the only man I’ve ever fallen in love with – love that started with infatuation and immaturity has grown into something deeper and more permanent, almost like a scar. But in a good way (OK, in a good way most of the time).

Our relationship is complicated in a way that I never imagined during our first “Unforgettable” dance. Life is funny in that when you’re young, love and marriage seem so black and white. You fall in love, you get married, you buy a house, you start a family (or not, depending on whatever criteria is important to you), you build a retirement fund, you retire, you enjoy your golden years with your spouse. All the while, remaining as blissfully and blindly in love as you were the day you got married. And you never have problems or argue with each other – and you look down your nose at people who tell you otherwise. Divorce is for people who are failures and it would never happen to you, right? And you think that the TV show, Married…With Children is an exaggeration and isn’t based on real life.

But then you get older and your relationship gets older, too. You realize that you’re married to a version of Al Bundy – a man who has the responsibility of supporting his family on his shoulders and who just wants to sit in front of his TV with his hand in his waistband and watch some sports or something. You may even realize that you’ve become a version of Peg Bundy…maybe. Despite the negative connotations, I’ve seen enough episodes of Married…With Children to understand that deep down – deep in Al and Peggy’s hearts, they are two people that still love each other. Despite the flaws. Despite the ridicule, despite the boredom, despite the feelings of being trapped or hopelessness.

There are days where I feel bored, trapped and helpless. I know Husband does, too. We’ve talked about it. However, there are also still those days where I feel like I did on my wedding day. Husband still makes me laugh and I think he’s one of the funniest people I know. I still think he’s attractive and has a great smile. We have millions of inside jokes and can usually instinctively tell when the other person has something on their mind. I know how he’s going to react to pretty much any given situation, and I have accepted the fact that he doesn’t want to visit my family (really, who can blame him? Half the time I don’t even want to visit them!). He loves hockey and the Detroit Red Wings and every new hockey season we make up a secret handshake or hand signal that we do when the Wings score a goal (it’s silly, but it’s tradition now). He’s a decent father, although sometimes I don’t agree with how he parents (and vice versa) – but I can say I know for sure that he loves Daughter as much as I do. But most of all, he’s given me a feeling of security that I can’t deny. He’s always taken care of me – or at least tried to. He’s always supported me in the things that I do, even if I do question his motives. And he’s always been someone I can trust with my life – even when I feel like I am going to kill him (in his sleep…knife to the heart. Oh yeah…I went there).

Thankfully, I think that the good days outnumber the not-so-good days. And when we’re having one of those no-so-good days, I think about something Husband once said to me in a voice laced with sarcasm: “I have to grow old with someone; it might as well be you.” Not exactly a ringing endorsement of the love we share, but certainly an unforgettable statement. I mean, when it comes down to it, isn’t that what we could all hope for in the end? To share our last days with the person who shares a common history, who can read your thoughts, who will support and protect you? Even if you want to kill them in their sleep? C’mon. Who’s with me on this one?

Oh, and P.S. I enjoyed “The Watchmen”. It was a long movie (2 ½ hours +) but it was visually breathtaking and I thought it told the insanely complicated story as best as anyone could have. The characters are riveting (especially Rorschach) and if you can stand the violence and the running time, you might enjoy it. Just take a snack and settle in for the ride.

1 comment:

perfectlycursedlife said...

I sometimes sit with my hand in my waistband and think of Al Bundy. I don't know what that says about me, but it's true.

Seriously, Pete and The Mister should go have a comic book orgy together and we could do something cool.

Also, I gave you a blog award on my blog.