Resolutions v1.0

Here they are, everyone. My resolutions for 2009. I am usually really bad about keeping my yearly resolutions, but I have decided that there needs to be a line drawn in the sand, and that my failure to keep my resolutions hurt no one but me.

Get Healthy.
Ideally, this would include losing weight, but I want to be "healthy" in the way that I can run up a flight of stairs without losing my breath, and that incorporate fresh fruits and vegetables into my everyday diet. Oh, and exercising regularly (although I think that's implied in the whole "stairs" thing I just said).

Be a Better Friend.
This one comes with the intention that I will communicate with my friends more (and by "more", I mean more than once every few months), and will try and see them whenever possible.

Be Less Self-Absorbed.

I sometimes have a problem seeing the forest for the trees, and I need to stop doing this. I must realize that everything does not revolve around me and my problems (or successes), and that I need to see things from the point of view of others for a change.

Find a Better Job.

I am currently working on this one. Even though the work has started in 2008, I'm still counting it as a resolution.

Be More Positive.

This is going to be a tough one for me. Funny, I really do consider myself a "positive person" -- I just find sarcasm and negativity funny and when I'm down in the dumps, it makes me feel better.

Pass the Bar Exam Once and For All.

'Nuff said.

I am sure there are more, that will immediately come to me after I hit the "Publish Post" button...but this is a good start.

Christmas With the Munsters

Remember that blog post I made a few months ago, when I told you that Shannon compared my family and me to the Munsters and Marilyn? That I was the only "normal" one in the bunch (and that term was being used very lightly)?

Well, it seems my family came through again. I'll spare you all of the agonizing details -- but here's the story in a nutshell:

So we all know that my parents are two of the most dysfunctional people on the face of the planet (or at least, if you didn't know, you know now.) They have been married for 28 years, and I think somewhere in year 2, they started hating each other. I have never met 2 people who needed a divorce more. Anyway, my parents usually come over to my house for Christmas dinner. It's a "tradition" I started about 4 years ago, and it's gone relatively OK.

This year, my mom shows up with food in tow, but not my dad. She proceeds to tell me that they got into an argument that morning (Merry Christmas, everyone!) and that he is supposed to come later. Now, please picture the next couple of hours for me -- my mom continued to tell, and retell the story of the morning argument to me probably about 7 times. I am not exaggerating. She told me over and over. The amazing part in all of this is that I was surprised she expected, after all of these dysfunctional years, that he would somehow be a loving husband to her just because it was Christmas. But he wasn't. He acted like a dick. I should be surprised, why?

Well, long story short -- my dad pulled a no-show for Christmas dinner. Not that I minded. It would have been an evening filled with him dominating the conversation, spewing his particular brand of conservative-republicanism and/or Obama-bashing that I find distasteful, or him drinking a beer and my mom being all over his ass for it. OR both of them or either of them bitching at each other all evening. OR...any combination thereof. Take your pick. It would have been miserable, but we're FAMILY and that's what being a family is all about, right? We're supposed to be together, because one of us could be dead next year, or something. Not to be morbid, but for chrissake!

I don't get a phone call from my dad until the next day. I see his number on my caller ID and I let the machine pick it up, because frankly, I know that this phone call has the potential to last at least a half an hour, and with 99% of it with him doing all the talking = him bitching about how my mother mistreats him. And I wasn't in the mood for that nonsense.

I let the call go to the answering machine and he leaves his message, which I will paraphrase for your reading enjoyment: "It's Dad. Sorry I was not at Christmas, but Your Mother didn't want me to have a Merry Christmas so blah blah and more blah...." I stopped listening after that. Because it was not important to him that he missed Christmas with his family -- his non-fuck-up of a daughter and granddaughter. Oh no. It was only important that he made sure to tell me that it wasn't his fault he wasn't at Christmas dinner -- even though he is a grown man and could have driven himself over -- but that it was my mom's fault. Natch. I haven't called him back, nor do I really want to. I'll have to keep you posted.

The saddest thing of all was that he wasn't even missed. And his presents are still under my tree.

Quote of the Day

"I was sad because I had no shoes,

Until I saw a lunch room that had no paper towel."

--Anonymous

This little gem came courtesy of the wrapped gift that I found on my desk this morning. I unwrapped the item, and found it was a roll of paper towel. Everyone in the office received a wrapped roll of paper towel. Apparently, someone was a little miffed when there was no paper towel in the lunch room -- so much so, he invested in 40 rolls for all his coworkers.

"Why I Drive an American Car" by Jim Hiller

I found this blog post by Jim Hiller of Hiller's Markets through an intercompany email. I thought it said what I was trying to say in my previous post regarding buying American much more eloquently than I did. Happy Reading!

End-of-the-Year Survey

Found this survey on my friend, SGs blog (read her survey answers here, and thought that I should post my answers too. And like her, I'm a sucker for surveys...and am tired of answering the ones with questions like "What's your favorite color?" and other bullshit like that. Enjoy.

1. What did you do in 2008 that you’d never done before?
I started this blog. I've never kept up on writing in a journal or diary, nor have I ever exposed my inner-thoughts to so many people.

2. Did you keep your New Year’s resolutions and will you make more for next year?
Of course I didn't keep my New Year's resolutions. But this year it will be different!

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?
No, which is too bad, because it would have been fun shopping for baby things.

4. What would you like to have in 2009 that you lacked in 2008?
My freaking law license! That and I would like to have more confidence in my future -- both prfessionally and personally.

5. What dates from 2008 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
February 26-27 -- took the Bar exam for the first time
July 11 -- the day I lost my job
July 29-30 -- took the Bar exam for the second time
October 20 -- started my new crappy job
November 1 -- found out I failed the Bar for the second time
November 4 -- voted for Obama and felt more optimistic about this country than I have in a long time

6. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
Honestly, I can't think of any achievements this year. It's been a relative failure of a year for me.
7. What was your biggest failure in 2008?
Having to name just one is going to be difficult...so I will lump failing the Bar exam into one monumental failure for 2008.

8. Where did most of your money go?
Paying my credit card debt off!

9. Compared to this time last year, are you:
a) Happier or sadder? Personally, I guess I am happier. I guess. Professionally, I am much sadder.
b) Thinner or fatter? Probably around the same.
c) Richer or poorer? I will probably have to say poorer, considering I was out of work for a few months and we had to cash out some things to help pay the bills.

10. What do you wish you’d done more of?
The first answer that popped into my head was I wish I had had more sex. Seriously. It always helps when things are going shitty. :)

11. What do you wish you’d done less of?
Worrying.

12. Did you fall in love in 2008?
Nope. Been there, done that.

13. What was your favorite TV program?
I really try not to watch a lot of TV, but my newest favorite "discovery" was Scrubs.

14. Do you hate anyone now that you didn’t hate this time last year?
Most definitely.

15. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
I turned 37. And if you had read previous posts, you knew I was in a state of depression. I spent the day feeling sorry for myself then the cherry on the top of that sundae was dinner with my parents and family. Fun was had by none.

16. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
Winning the Big Game. That or being able to tell everyone I wanted to tell to go fuck themselves. Hmmm...I smell a New Year's resolution coming on....

17. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2008?
Comfortable & business casual

18. What kept you sane?
The assumption here is that I am sane. What kept me from being institutionalized was my friends.

19. What political issue stirred you the most?
I would have to say the entire presidental election stirred me this year, and then probably this whole bailout issue got my feathers in a ruffle.

20. Who was the best new person you met?
The only bright spot at my new job is the guy I sit next to. His name is Jim and he's hilarious. We laugh all day long and if it wasn't for him, I probably would have gone postal.

21. Tell us what valuable life lessons you learned in 2008.
I learned to be more frugal and not spend money like it was my last day on earth.

All I Want for Christmas is the Bailout to be Approved...

AND HOLY SHIT...Yes, Virginia, there is a Santa Claus. And his name is George W. Bush. If you haven't heard already, President Bush approved a $17.4B bailout package to help the automotive industry.

Thank God he did this because now I can go back to griping about my life in this blog instead of getting all political.

Out of a Job Yet? Keep Buying Foreign!

OK, yes...I'm still on the rant from the other day.

My title comes courtesy of a bumper sticker. I've seen it a million times, as I am sure you've seen it a million times.

I read an article in the Detroit Free Press written by Rochelle Riley about helping the automotive industry, one car at a time. Read it here if you're interested. And remember, next time you're in the market for a new car or truck -- take a gander at a nice GM or Ford. And if you still decide to buy a foreign car, just know that I will be cursing your existence secretly in my head everytime I see it. And no -- I'm not joking this time. :D

I Am Desperately-Fucking-Angry

I have a Sirius satellite radio in my car and one of the stations I listen to all the time is "Sirius Out Q" which is tailored to the LBGT community. No, I'm not gay, lesbian, bisexual or transgendered, but the station has some damn good programming for a fag hag like me. One of my favorite shows is on from 6-10pm -- the Derek and Romaine show. Derek is a gay man, and yep -- you guessed it, Romaine is a lesbian. Their show is a general call-in type talkshow, but it's HILARIOUS. And once a week, they have callers call-in to tell them what they are desperately-fucking-angry about. So, here's my rant -- what I would want to talk about if I were to call Derek and Romaine.

For starters, I am royally pissed that the bailout for the automotive companies fell through last week.

I have avoided blogging about the auto bailout -- mainly because I think I am way to close to it. Husband works for Ford, and you all know this. And basically, in a nutshell, if he were to lose his job, my family is totally fucked. There goes the money to pay for our house, there goes our health insurance, there goes everything.

So as you can imagine, I was desperately-fucking-angry last week when the Senate decided to vote against the auto bailout. I was so pissed, that I earmarked the list of senators who voted against it, and have vowed to write them all a strongly worded letter. And the more I think about it, "pissed" is probably the wrong word. I think I was hurt more than anything. Hurt because I feel like the State of Michigan is going to Hell in a Handbasket -- and no one but the people in Michigan give a damn.

Has this country become so callous, so selfish, that when there is evidence that a state in our country is going down the shitter, that no one cares? When 9/11 happened -- did it happen to all of us, or to New Yorkers? When Katrina happened, did it happen to all of us, or those who lived in New Orleans? Personally, when those two things happened -- I donated money to the American Red Cross. I wanted to help and by making a donation to the Red Cross, I felt like I was contributing. I cared. And in the future, when I see people in this country suffering -- I will continue to care. And I understand there is a big difference between a natural disaster and a large company going broke. But the ramifications are still similar. It would be catastrophic for the State of Michigan and the country if any of the automotive companies goes bankrupt. The ripple effect would be astounding.

Everday I read comments posted on the internet, or hear people on the radio, or see them on the television, basically saying "Fuck 'em! Let the automotive companies go bankrupt!" Yeah, bankruptcy sure will give a hearty spanking to the executives of those companies for "mis-managing" those companies "all these years." Nevermind that by putting the screws to big business -- (as most of those that are against the bailout want to do) the one getting screwed the hardest are the families of the workers, and not the executives.

I'm also desperately-fucking-angry because I am tired of hearing about how "lazy" and "uneducated" and "unskilled" the auto workers are. I am married to one of the most hardworking men I've ever met. This is a man who never calls in sick to work (and when I say "never", I mean he receives the "Perfect Attendance" award every year, so I'm being literal, y'all) -- and he is never late. He leaves for work a hour before his official start time. He always works more than an 8-hour day (it's usually a 10-hour day and he doesn't take a lunchbreak). And he frequently goes into work for a few hours on the weekend. There's always something that needs to be done as far as he's concerned. I mean, his work ethic is HARDCORE. I've never seen anything like it before (except maybe in his dad -- which is where I know he inherited his work ethic. And his dad was a Ford employee working on the line for over 30 years.) So I don't want to hear about how all of the auto workers are lazy, or unskilled. And I certainly don't want to hear about how they do not deserve getting paid a decent wage, and receiving decent benefits. You try working in a industrial plant for 30+ years, at a job that is mentally numbing, in an enviornment that is not only dirty, but is cold in the winter and stiffling in the summer...only then will I think you know shit about who "deserves" what they make. Freaking Britney Spears is worth hundreds of millions of dollars. She is uneducated and unskilled (you know she is so don't even tell me she is "talented"). But you don't see Senator Richard Shelby (R-Alabama) on TV griping about her and how she doesn't deserve her money, do you?

And I won't even get into all of the UAW bashing. This whole situation makes me sick.

I read a article written by Mitch Albom yesterday -- and I think this is what prompted me to write this blog post. The last line in his article says, "Honestly, what has become of this country?" -- and that's exactly how I feel. Read for yourself here.

Oh...and one more thing I'm desperately-fucking-angry about regarding this whole thing. The automotive companies now have to rely on President Bush to approve carving out a portion of the $700B approved earlier this year for them. To think that we have to beg President Bush for anything a month before he's leaving office is appalling. Especially considering his approval rating is so low, and he'll probably go down in history as one of our worst Presidents. I wouldn't be surprised if he flipped us all off on is way out of the White House and washed his hands of this whole thing. I wouldn't be surprised.

You Gotta Love My Mother

I have a job interview this week...and depending on whether I get the job or not, details could possibly be forthcoming here on my blog.

This weekend, I went to a play at a church with my mother and my aunt. Prior to the play, we all had lunch together. It was nice because it was relatively low-key and it's a rare occassion when you get my mom and my aunt and me together without Daughter. :)

So on the way to the play, we get on the subject of my interview this week. My mother asks me if I was planning to straighten my hair. At first, I'm puzzled, because it is such a RANDOM question...like, where did that come from. I reply that no, I wasn't planning on straightening my hair. I mean seriously, I can't remember the last time I did it. And I think I almost did a "What's up with that?" kind of question to my mom, just because it was such a random thing to ask me.

Then I ask her why she wanted to know. This is where I made my fatal mistake, because really, I didn't care why she asked, and I really didn't care why she thought I needed to straighten my hair.

She said it was because when I wear my hair curly (remember, in it's natural state) I look like, and I quote, "I don't care" and that it's just "so messy" and I should really try harder to look more "polished."

And then she wonders why I don't call her all the time.

I had to ask.

More Blogs....For your reading enjoyment....

I've been meaning to do this for a while, after I saw the idea on my friend, SG's blog. Following are some blogs you may enjoy. I know I do.

http://averypoliticalwoman.com/ (written by my good friend, SG. This is her crazy-ass-liberal-feminist-democrat blog. And I pretty much agree with 100% of everything she writes -- so I guess that means I am also a crazy-ass-liberal-feminist-democrat. Just with a lot less political things to say.)

SG also has a second blog, http://perfectlycursedlife.com/, that is more about her life, friends, etc. and is hilarious. I mean, life is so much funnier than anything anyone can make up. If you know this is true, then this one is for you.

http://fakeinterviewswithrealcelebrities.blogspot.com/ This blog I "accidentially" came across, and I am so glad I did. It's hilarious. This woman has one heck of a sense of humor, and I wish we were friends.

http://margaretandhelen.wordpress.com/ (written by Margaret and Helen -- 2 women in their 80s that have been friends for over 60 years. I LOVE THIS BLOG and you will too. There's nothing better than sassy old ladies. Especially the latest rants about Sarah Palin (priceless!!!) Thank you to SG for turning me on to this one.)

If you love the idea of reading blogs, then you will enjoy the ones I mentioned above. I don't have a lot of time to read a bunch of blogs all the time, but these ones are definitely worth the time.

Hope you enjoy them as much as me!

Quote of the Day

"You can call me 'cupcake' if you want." -- Daughter, last night, after deciding that "Cupcake" was her newest favorite nickname (and I had to call her "Cupcake" for the rest of the evening)

Daughter's 6th Birthday

Daughter's 6th birthday party was on Saturday (her actual birthday is tomorrow, the 26th). It was very nice, and she got a lot of clothes and toys (as usual). I wanted to blog about it because every year around her birthday, I think about the day she was born, and how my life has changed since she came into it.

Not to get all into the gory details (as I am sure you would rather I spared you them) -- but Daughter was born on a Tuesday, but I went into labor on the Monday before, around 4:30am. The labor wasn't too bad at first, and of course, it didn't get really bad until later into the evening on Monday -- maybe around 9pm. I had gone to the hospital early on Monday morning, only to be sent home with a sleeping pill later in the day, as nothing had progressed enough for me to be admitted. (Figures the kid was taking her time in coming -- Daughter doesn't do anything until she's ready.)

I waiting until the last possible minute before I let Husband take me back to the hospital -- I pretty much couldn't take it anymore, and was in a lot of pain. We got to the hospital around 10pm, and the dude who does the epidurals finally showed up around 11pm -- and it took him close to an hour to get the freakin' thing in right. I was damn near tears during the whole process, and Husband was damn near a coronary. I could see the stress on his face, and knew he was at his wits end when he says to the anesthesiologist -- "You getting close there, doc?" Afterward, Husband said he was freaking out because there was blood everwhere -- from my spine where the doctor was putting the epidural needle.

We got settled and around 5am, my doctor came in and took a peek and said we'd be having a baby born in about an hour or so. I freaked becasue we hadn't even called our families yet--so Husband got on the horn and told everyone to get to the hospital immediately. Of course, Daughter wasn't actually born until 11:59am...so everyone had a lot of waiting to do, and my doctor lied. ;)

It was relatively uneventful labor -- I had heard horror stories about how women crap all over the table and stuff from pushing...or blow a hemorrhoid or something...and I was not about to become one of those women. I did have about a million people come in a take a look -- students, mostly -- but at that point, I didn't mind who looked. I just wanted the baby born.

Daughter eventually got stuck at one point (probably due to my lack of abandon in the pushing combined with the epidural), and according to the heart monitor, was in a bit of distress. My doctor told me that he would try one last time -- this time with forceps, and only if I was agreeable to it -- and if she didn't come out, he was going to do a c-section. Well, we decided on the forceps because, by god, I wasn't about to be cut open after a 30 hours of labor...and thankfully, Daughter was born with the help of the forceps.

She did have a bit of a conehead...you would too after being stuck for hours--but other than that, she was perfect!

And she still is....6 years later.

My life has changed in many ways since having her. I no longer think of myself first when I need something -- I put her first. I have cried and laughed more because of her than for any other reason in my life. Cried because she makes me happy and laughed because she makes me happy. She also makes me worry about the world and the future more. I understand why my parents wouldn't let me roam the streets or go to strange people's houses and why they were scared to let me on the schoolbus for the first time -- or when they let me drive for the first time. I also understand how my parents probably still worry about me...and the truth is, I will never stop worrying about Daughter.

I cry more when I read stories about abused or murdered children. I was horrified over the Lacy Peterson story. I worry about child molesters and about Daughter disappearing one day. I try to tell her about evil in the world, without scaring the crap out of her. I try to teach her that not everyone in the world is good--although there are good people. It's hard to teach a child the difference. It's also hard to teach them not to trust everyone, when trust is inherent.

I also look forward to her growing up (although not too fast!) and I pray everyday she has a happy life. I want her to find someone to love, and to have children herself. I want to give her everything that I didn't have, and then some.

I also now understand that being a mother is a job that is mostly unglamorous and thankless. But the reward of being a mother outweights the need for glamor and thanks. The reward for me comes everyday, when Daughter tells me she loves me and gives me a kiss and hug. Or when she writes her love down (which she pretty much does everyday)..."I (heart) u mommy and daddy"....

I KNEW it!

Daughter had conferences last night and her teacher says she thinks Daughter may have A.D.D. I was not surprised because that kid has the same problems I do with focusing on tasks.

I made an appointment with her with our doctor (her and I have the same one) and don't you think for a minute I am going to pass up this opportunity to tell him about my A.D.D. as well! You can trust that I am not being dramatic when I say that -- I really honestly think sometimes that I have it because of my problems with focusing. Now poor little Daughter has the same problem!

Other than that -- she had a really positive report from her teacher. She is very smart (and I'm not just saying that) and her teacher said it was her saving grace. :)

Oh...and the Hits Keep on Coming...

My luck has continued in its downward spiral, demonstrated by the fact that I got about $450 stolen out of my purse at my new job last Friday. It doesn't matter that I had that much cash in my purse and it also doesn't matter that I left it unattended for about 15 minutes. What matters is that some asshole stole it. As if I didn't hate my job enough. Now there is a thief among us.

The Negativity Continues...

I had a sobering thought today. Our new President-Elect, Mr. Barak Obama is 47 years old.

I am 37 years old.

He has achieved the highest office in this country -- a job only one person gets to have every four years. I haven't achieved squat. Nor, I am afraid, will I achieve 1% of what he has achieved by the time I am 47.

He was a great constitutional law professor...I can't even pass the Bar exam.

It's sad when I am envious of someone who had to work tooth and nail for everything he has achieved -- no one gave him anything on a silver platter.

I need to figure out some goals, find my direction and get on with it already. I just don't know where to begin, and my A.D.D. (see one of my first posts!) is preventing me from getting organized. Some days I just wish I could get my shit together. Fuck!

Same Shitty Attitude, Part Deux

I failed the Bar exam again. I really have had a banner year, haven't I? I got the results in the mail on Saturday and I am beyond frustrated. I just don't know what I am supposed to do with my life. Everything has been on hold -- waiting for these fucking results, and now I have to gear up and take the goddam test again. Fuck.

Ever get to a point in your life where you are just so sick of everything, that you just want to throw your hands up in the air and give up? Yeah. I'm at that point. I really have nothing positive to write about right now, or think about, or to look forward to. Don't worry, I'm not suicidal or anything--thanks to my Wellbutrin prescription....I just feel hopeless. And I haven't felt like this in a very long time.

New Job, Same Shitty Attitude

I started my new job yesterday. Not that I was looking forward to it, because a) I got used to staying at home and b) I got used to not having to get up at the ass-crack of dawn. BUT, I tried to keep a positive attitude yesterday as I embarked on a new chapter in my life.

Of course, I was already grumbling at 5:30am when my alarm went off. The grumbling continued when I had to drop Daughter off at school at 6:30am because I felt bad for her (even though she was all excited to go to school so early and play with the kids at latchkey -- I was projecting my feelings on to her.) The grumbling continued throughout the day, when I found out I was going to be massively micro-managed at this job -- I have to punch a timeclock, don't dare be one minute late EVER, don't ever think about taking time off, don't ever call in sick, just don't ever do anything. I kept thinking to myself that I am 37 years old, and I am too old for this shit. And my temper got all flared up over this -- even though I pretty much kept it to myself.

To top it off, the training is so boring I want to slit my wrists and bleed out on the bathroom floor. The trainer, while I am sure is a perfectly nice woman, couldn't be less enthusiastic about the material or getting us trained. Then -- the material itself. I spent all of yesterday in a constant state of "What the Fuck?" because we basically were reviewing engineering specs for automotive parts all freaking day. I kept thinking this is why I wasn't an engineer. I barely understood anything.

I'll describe the job -- I will be a "search and retrieval specialist" -- when someone sues GM, after being in a car accident, we receive a letter from the attorneys, who are in pre-discovery mode. They are requesting all kinds of documents such as drawings of the parts of the car that were involved in the accident (ex: air bag, rooftop (for rollover accidents), wheel axels, etc.) and then all associated parts and also all information on other vehicles that were made on the same automotive platform. They also request test reports and other documents I haven't even figured out. I hate it.

Which is why I am awake at 5:00 am updating my blog with a pounding headache. I couldn't sleep all night and am worried about this job. Already.

On the bright side -- which despite me having the same shitty attitude, I really do try and find the silver lining because it's the only thing that keeps me going....they eliminated the afternoon shift and I will be able to hold daytime hours like a normal working grunt. Bright side = seeing and spending time with my family and also still being able to do my Pure Romance parties. Of course, part of me was still bitching about the bright side, because I had accepted the fact I would be working afternoons and was in that mindset.

I will never, ever be happy. I was complaining to my mother yesterday and she was so happy she about shit herself. She was happy regarding the material I will be researching and she was happy that they moved the job to the day shift. I was irritated because she was not being supportive of me in my complaints. I should be used to it by now.

My alarm just went off...guess I need to try and adjust my attitude and keep an open mind for today. As a sidenote -- my alarm is a iHome and my iPod just went off as I mentioned...the song playing is Miley Cyrus' "I Can't Wait to See You Again". This is notworthy for two reasons. 1) I didn't download this song to my iPod because I haven't downloaded songs in a very long time...which brings me to interesting point #2 -- if I didn't do it, it means Husband did. Who knew he was such a Miley fan???? I'm dying, y'all. Of course, if I were to call him out on it, he'd say he downloaded it on "accident". His secret is safe with me....oh, and all of you now too! :)

Some Days It's Just Not Worth Getting Out of Bed

I am on this "bad luck" streak -- it's actually not bad luck per se (I don't believe in luck), but I have been on a roll of things going to shit since yesterday.

I signed Daughter up for swim lessons. Not traditional swim lessons, but lessons that will teach her how to be a competitive swimmer. Right now, she is still learning to swim, but she loves it. I knew she would love it because she loves being in the water -- pools, lakes, the bathtub -- you name it, she wants to be in it all day.

Anyway, her lessons are Tuesdays and Wednesday evenings. Tuesday at 6pm and Wednesdays at 5:30pm. Yesterday, we were running a little late to her lesson because I forgot my cellie at home and had to turn around. I was still in the neighborhood, but it still wasted about 5 minutes of my drive time. We arrived at the high school right at 6pm, and she hadn't even changed yet. The parking lot was JAMMED, so that should have been my first clue that something was amiss. We forge on to the pool, after having to hike the back 40 to get to the school (we usually get a parking space in the driveway right in front of the pool, but it was full due to my running late.) We are rushing to the pool, and we get to the part of the school where the locker room door is, and this woman stops me because there's a SWIM MEET that night and the lessons have been moved. And the school they were moved to -- I have no idea where it is. Daughter starts bawling her eyes out, having a nervous breakdown because she loves going swimming so much, and I'm feeling like Mother of the Year. I basically tell Daughter we are not going to the lesson because I don't know where the school is -- we get into the car and I feel like a massive asshole. I decide to try and figure out where this freaking school is...and 15 minutes later, we're there.

But the fun doesn't end there. We are not about 20 minutes late. We rush into the locker room, Daughter changes, and we go out to where the swimmers are. I look around for her swim coach and don't see her. As a matter of fact, I don't see any of the swimmers in her group. Daughter starts panicking and she finds another coach who tells her that her group isn't practicing tonight. OH FUCK. She immediately starts crying and having a meltdown, and once again, I feel like Mother of the Year x2. Of course, all of this was basically MY FAULT because I didn't notice the "NO PRACTICE" on the calendar for her lessons. Way to go.

So that was yesterday. Today, the streak continued when I realized that I must have thrown out the order forms for my Pure Romance party on Saturday -- for girls I didn't know. Luckily, I already processed their credit card payments and ordered the items I didn't have in stock and owe them BUT I DON'T KNOW WHO THESE GIRLS ARE AND I DON'T HAVE THEIR ADDRESSES OR PHONE NUMBERS. So I had to call the hostess and bascially tell her what I did like a massive dipshit and ask her to have the girls I own items to to give me a call.

I realized I must have thrown them out at about 6:30pm today. Of course, today was trash day and I'm sure they picked the trash up at 6:29pm. Well, maybe not really, but they might as well have for all the luck I've been having these past two days. Can't wait to see what tomorrow has in store for me.

Yeah, Riiiiight

Kelly Ripa has an endorsement deal with Electrolux. I've seen her do a commercial for the oven, and also for the washer and dryer. Based on these commercials, I assume I am supposed to believe that Ms. Ripa does her cooking and cleaning for her 3 children (or is it 4?) and her husband. Based on how tiny the woman is (and have you seen her arms? Move over Madonna...there's a new girl at the gun show), I really think she only has time enough in her day to do her show with Regis and work out furiously at the gym. And probably do some motherly shit with her kids. That's it. Nothing else.

Seriously? I'm sure Ms. Ripa has a housekeeper AND a personal chef. That's what I think.

Depression=NO BLOG POSTS

Hey. So I haven't been updating my blog lately, as you may have noticed, namely because I really haven't felt like it. Like there was nothing that warranted the energy it would have taken to update and post comments. Which I attribute to a mild form of depression -- partly due to not having a job, not having any prospects and worrying about finding a job. There are many other reasons for my depression -- reasons that are as old as I am, or reasons that go WAAAAY back, but the job thing was the most recent thing to send me into a tailspin, so let's put like 75% of the blame for no blog updates on that.

Well...the impossible has happened. I found a job. Training for it starts on the 13th, and lasts 2-3 weeks. Then the job goes to the afternoon shift, which is from 3:30-12midnight. Anyone who knows me knows I am NOT a morning person. So starting work at 3:30 is mildly appealing. The only downside is that I won't see my kid, and that kinda bums me out. Because I spent 4 years in law school in night classes not seeing my kid. The way I figure, I've probably only really seen about 2 years worth of her life -- the other 3.75 years I've spent away from her for some reason. Nice parenting. OK, I shouldn't beat myself up too bad about it, because parents everwhere make sacrifices which include working afternoons. So I won't dwell -- just trying to give you a taste of the mindset I'm in over this job-thing. I'm torn.

The job itself doesn't sound TOO bad -- it has something or other to do with researching things (those things are to be determined at a later date...and determined, I'm assuming, by the lawsuit that gets filed) -- so I will be doing research for things for lawsuits that get filed against GM and putting my research in a file for the GM attorneys. It's rather vague (if you haven't picked up on that already) -- but at least it's in the legal profession, and at least it is a paying job. It being so vague is why I am assuming the training period is so long. I mean, 2-3 weeks? I can't wait to see what secrets will be bestowed upon me....

In other news...most of you know that I became a Pure Romance consultant. Which is really very fun and I enjoy it 100% of the time. My first party was hostessed (is that a word? Is now.) by my friend Jody, and due to unforseen circumstances, we couldn't hold the party at her apartment, so instead we moved it to my parent's house. Now, I haven't written much about my family, other than to compare them to the Munsters. I swear, one of these days, I will devote a post to them and only them, and it will be a feast for your eyes. But until that day...here's a little bit of what my mom is like: the day after the Pure Romance party, I am talking on the phone with my mom. I can only talk to her for about 6 minutes at any one time, because it's about at the 6-minute mark, where my mom will say something that will send me from 0 to 60 in under 2 seconds. The day after my party, my mother mentions to me that I should really "tailor" my parties to my audience. Why she thought I would be able to do this, especially when I start doing parties for total strangers, I have no idea. So I ask her what she means. She replies that some of those "things" that I demonstrated (namely the toys) were "REEEALY DISGUSTING" and that I shouldn't be showing them. Um...I don't know about you, but I always thought that one of the big draws to a Pure Romance party was the toys? Call me crazy, but I don't think the promise of massage lotions and body sprays are the biggest appeal of the parties. So while I am explaining to her, that one of the things that girls look forward to are the toys, and when they come to the party, they kind of know what to expect -- because I know if I was invited to a Pure Romance party and didn't know what it was, the person inviting me would TELL ME, right? I can hear my mom himming and hawing on the other end, and it is at that point, where I tell her I have to go. NOW. Before I reach through the phone and smack her one upside the head.

She gets under my skin. Like no one else can. Of course, I have been mulling around the idea of getting her one of the dual-action vibrators for Christmas. I would LOVE LOVE LOVE to see her face when she opened it. Because she needs one more than anyone I know. For Reals.

I'm Obsessed With Vampires, Y'all

I've never really been a huge vampire "fan" or whatever you want to call it. I mean, I saw "Interview with a Vampire" and Bram Stoker's "Dracula" when they were released, and enjoyed them, and I loved "Blade". But I just never really have been obsessed about vampires, or really all that interested in them, until now.

It all started with those "Twilight" books. And the only reason I started reading them in the first place is because I wanted to know what all of the hub-bub was about (that, along with being unemployed...had a lot of time on my hands). I stayed out of the "Harry Potter" mania, but this time, I wanted to be "in" with the in-crowd of literary fans. So I read "Twilight". AND the next two installments (I still have to read the fourth one.)

THEN...HBO has decided to begin a new series, called "TrueBlood". The commercial went a little like this..."From the creator of "Six Feet Under" comes a new series about..." blah blah blah. It didn't matter to me what the new series was about, if it was from Alan Ball, I was going to tune it. I was a GIANT fan of "Six Feet Under" -- I loved the quirkyness and I fell in love with the characters. So you know I was all over watching "TrueBlood".

I'd be lying if I said that this whole Vampire Craze I'm experiencing as something I just stumbled upon. Shannon was the one who first watched "TrueBlood" and told me I HAD to watch it. She even CAME OVER my house one day and we watched the first 3 episodes -- I think she came over just to make sure I'd watch it. Now, I'm hooked on the show. The main premise of the show is that vampires have "come out of the casket" so to speak, and are trying to go mainstream. The main characters are Sookie (played by Anna Paquin) and Bill (the Vampire), who are beginning a relationship even though they are in a very small Louisiana town that doesn't look too favorable on this "mixed" relationship. Of course, the story is much more involved and complicated than I am describing, but if you are interested, and have HBO, check it on On Demand. Especially if you are even a little bit interested in vampires.

"TrueBlood" is based on a series of novels written by Charlaine Harris, the first one being "Dead After Dark" -- with the tagline being "A Southern Vampire Story". I read it after discovering the TV show, and now I am in the middle of the third installment. Alan Ball's (I just said "balls" hee hee) interpretation is pretty close to the books, but he does put his spin on it. Which keeps it interesting for me because there's not a whole lotta of suspense now that I know what is going to happen.

I also think one of the reasons my obsession has hit new heights this week is that I caught up on the episode I miss this past Sunday. As if there wasn't enough sex in the first 6 episodes...this one is exploding with it. And if you never thought vampires were sexy with a capital "SEX"...you need to watch "TrueBlood". The vampires are portrayed as very sexual and sensual beings (and not all together a creepy way) -- it's quite an interesting spin on the whole "I vant to suck your blooood" stereotype. Yeah, suck my blood and then some -- indeed. Damn. Being a member of the undead never looked so hot.

Only Me?

I am totally obsessed with "The Maury Povich Show". Am I alone? I can't get enough of the drama -- between the paternity and lie detector test, the 13-year-olds who want babies, and boot camps, I'm hanging on every word of the show. I am nearly giddy because it comes on twice a day. What is wrong with me?

Favorite Moments:

Maury: "And the lie detector determined THAT was a lie!" OR

Maury: "And in the case of 13-month old baby Mary, Robert you ARE the father!"

Two Months and Counting...

Technically, it's been a little over 2 months now that I've been among the unemployed. I say "technically" because I lost my job in mid-July, and spent the remainder of July studying for the Bar like my life depended on it. The exam was July 29th and 30th. Then I spent the next couple of weeks taking short summer vacations and enjoying the beautiful weather. So, what I'm saying, is that I spent about a month not really focusing on Finding a Job.

Which means, for the last month or so, I really have been focusing on finding a job. And having absolutely NO LUCK whatsoever. I don't know what the problem is exactly. Is there too many unemployed and not enough jobs? Am I overqualified? Am I underqualified? Does my resume suck ass? I have over 15 years of business experience, with increasing responsibility. I have "GOOD" experience. But WTF? Seriously?

I haven't gotten to the point where I am ready to jump off a cliff or something, but I am getting sick of looking for a job. I hate it. It's driving me crazy.

On the other side of the coin, I have actually enjoyed being home. I do all of the regular housewife and stay-at-home mom crap and most of the time, I don't mind it. Which is not exactly what I envisioned for myself. Especially considering all of the money and time I have spent on educating myself. Besides this little internal conflict, I find myself getting depressed over this whole experience. I am trying not to let it get me down, but it's there like a black cloud hanging over my head. Not working just makes me feel worthless. I've always had a job ever since was 15 years old.

WHY CAN'T I JUST FIND A JOB ALREADY? This is ridiculous.

9/11

The Day that None of Us Will Forget. On the anniversary of the terrorist attacks on the World Trade Center and the Pentagon, I always am reminded of where I was and how I heard of the news. I was working in the HR department at my previous job, and was listening to the Howard Stern Show...and he was the person who told me.

Later in my workday, my company had set up CNN in the auditorium for everyone to come down and watch (if you wanted to) -- and in that auditorium is where I saw the buildings collapse.

Right now, I'm watching the History Channel, reliving the horror I felt that day (watching the doucmentary, 102 Minutes that Changed America). I don't know why I am still morbidly facinated with watching documentary after documentary...I can't get enough. My stomach is in knots, and I feel like I am going to throw up. When those buildings come crumbling down -- I can't stand it. Or to watch people jump to their deaths because they can't get out of the buildings. It's just so disgusting.

September 11th also reminds me of my friend, Sandy. I blogged about her in an earlier post, so you can read more (if you haven't already) in the post about Randy Pausch. 9/11 makes me think of her because she died September 11, 2002. One year later -- one year after THE 9/11. I have been thinking about her, her husband, her kids, her family -- off and on today. Thinking about her death and about the terrorist attacks just makes me feel very pessimistic. This world is so fucked up somtimes, and life can be so cruel.

I hope this black cloud lifts soon. Sadness and anger are things I try not to dwell on for any long periods of time, but today it is appropriate, I think.

Top 5 List

Although I was not a big fan, I think there was an episode of "Friends" where they talked about their top 5 list...the top 5 list of celebrities that if they had the chance, they would totally rock their world, all night long?

So here's my top 5 list -- and I'd love to know yours! (in no particular order)

1. David Beckham (you can read about this obsession in earlier posts)

2. Pete Wentz (I can't figure out this one -- he's like 5 feet tall, and the guy-liner thing, was never really my thing...but damn, he's so freakin' cute!)

3. Ben Affeck (again, he's just so cute! I can't stand it.)
4. Lenny Kravitz (Lenny is one sexy-ass mutha)

5. Rick Springfield (yeah, I'd still totally do him lol -- and sometimes I really miss the 80's!)

Now, here's my list if it applied to characters -- in novels, movies, etc.

1. William Shakespeare (as played by Joseph Fiennes in Shakespeare in Love) I LOVE LOVE LOVE this movie. I can't even express to you right now, how much I love this movie.)

2. Mr. Darcy, in Jane Austen's Pride and Prejudice (My favorite book EVER)

3. Michael Corleone (as played by Al Pacino in The Godfather) OR Tony Montana (as played by Al Pacino in Scarface) (Al Pacino had that cold, Italian shit down. He was so sexy when he was killing people! "Say "hello" to my little friend!")

4. Lloyd Dobler (as played by John Cusack in Say Anything) OR Rob Gordon (as played by John Cusack in High Fidelity) I love John Cusack and how he can play "vunerable" so good. It's those freaking puppy-dog eyes.

5. James Bond (as played by Daniel Craig in Casino Royale). My two favorite scenes -- when he's coming out of the ocean in those small swimshorts, and when he is in the casino in that tuxedo that looks like it was painted on him. The sexiest Bond EVER.

Honorable Mention: the naked neighbor-guy of Samantha's, in Sex and the City (the movie). See it to believe it. ;)

Random Thoughts

Today's Random Thoughts are about how I wish I had an English accent. These are the words I would be using (or at least all that I can think of at the moment):

Calling my butt a "bottom" -- or "arse" (which can also be used instead of calling someone an asshole)
Using the words "brillant" and "smashing" to describe something I love
When people ask me what type of job I want, I'm going to start telling them I want to be a "barrister" instead of a lawyer
When I swear, I'm just going to start saying "bloody hell" or "bollocks" or tell people to "sod off"
Instead of smoking cigarettes, I'm going to say they're "fags"
I am going to rename the post I made called "Am I Crazy?" to "Am I Daft?"
When I talk about not having a job, I will affectionately call it "being on the dole"
I am no longer wearing underwear, they are "knickers"
I won't be using the bathroom -- it is a "loo" or "W.C." from now on
And...last but not least, when shit starts to go wrong, I'm going to say it's gone "tits up"

Well, tally-ho and pip, pip! And may God save The Queen!

The Sisterhood of the Travelling Pantsuits

Dammit, if this freaking election hasn't made me insane...I usually don't talk about politics. The only person I really have discussions with about politics is Husband. To me, politics is a lot like religion. I just don't feel comfortable talking about it. But I do enjoy antagonizing my dad, politically disagreeing with him every chance I get. I love taking the opposite of whatever he thinks just so I can see his facial expressions. As I told my friend SG -- during one of my visits to my parents house, my dad was sitting at his computer with his back to me. I came up behind him, and asked him (smirking on the inside, mind you) who he was voting for this election...he whipped around in his chair so fast with this GLARE on his face -- as I told Ms. SG, I wished I had a video camera because I would have SO posted it on YouTube. But back to the subject of this post.


I'm sitting here right now, watching the Democratic National Convention, and Hillary (The Hillary) is giving her speech. And double-dammit, if I am actually standing up applauding the television. No matter what you think of her (and believe me, I was among the many who really didn't like her -- she just seemed so harsh.) But I think during the primary race, she came a long way in my book. She knew her shit during the debates and had some good ideas. I liked to daydream sometimes during the primary race over what having a woman president would be like. (I was a fan of Geena Davis' short-lived show, "Commander In Chief" after all). I felt part Mary Tyler Moore-part "you've come a long way baby" during the daydreams. It certainly would have been something to see. But I guess it's just not time to have a female president. But we are close, that's for sure.

Even Husband admitted he admired her in a way. And you must know that for him to say that -- hell froze over. This is the same man that said something to me about 18 months ago that went a little like this: "I'd never vote for a woman for president because women are too emotional." Or some bullshit like that. I nearly ripped his tongue out. I told him he should be ashamed of himself, considering he has a daughter -- and he tells her she can be anything she wants to be (oh, except President, because you women are too emotional, and even though you're only 5, and you don't understand why I said that, I am going to be a man-pig and secretly hope that when you grow up you continue to hit the glass ceiling because of your hormones.) Excuse me, I digress. ;)

I guess the whole point of this post, is that -- Dang it Hill, I admire the hell out of you, in your sharp-ass pumpkin pantsuit. I'm sure it certainly took a ginormous set of brass balls to run for President, especially when it's been a good 'ole boys club of white men for the last 200+ years. That shit can't be overlooked.

(And in case you're wondering, I didn't think up the title of this post on my own. Hillary said it during her speech and I had to steal it.)

Do You Think I'm Crazy?

And no, that's not a rhetorical question for you, I really need to know if you think I'm crazy.

As you know, I've been among the unemployed for the last 5 weeks, and The Job Hunt is proving to be Quite Unsuccessful at this point. You know this already, as I have whined incessantly about if the the last 5 weeks. That's not the part I need you opinion on, as I don't think it's all that crazy.

Last weekend, I started thinking about the military, and specifically, the JAG Corps as a possible career choice. And long story short, I thought it would be a decent career choice, probably exciting, probably difficult to do, and probably rewarding. I did a bunch of research on the Navy and the Army, and visited my local Navy recruiter. After learning that the Navy Reserves would be a 6-year commitment, training would last 26 weeks (or something like that) and then deployment would probably be somewhere like Norfolk, VA, I was still interested. Unfortunately, after a couple of phone discussions, I learned my underactive thyroid, which is treated with medication, disqualifies me from joining the Navy. I was actually disappointed. That was Thursday.

Friday, I came across a Paralegal job posting on Career Builder for the Air National Guard, based out of Selfridge Air Force Base, which is seriously, 5 minutes from my house. And tomorrow, I am going to call to find out more about it. The job posting says that it's "part-time" and enlistment is required. Training is 6-10 weeks. Or something like that. I have been thinking about this career possibility, and it makes me excited for some reason. Am I crazy? Here are the pros:

1. The base is so close to my house
2. It's part-time, and depending on what that means, could actually mean I'd have time to be home for my kid
3. If I have to wear a uniform, I could save major coin on clothes
4. Government jobs have great benefits
5. I could retire after 20 years, and really, in 20 years, I'll be 57 and retiring at 57 sounds awesome

I could name a few more, but I think I must be crazy to be this excited about working for the Air National Guard. And as a paralegal, at that. I mean, even the possibility of having to be shipped off for training, and even if it was basic training, doesn't turn me off. Of course, there's always the possibility that I'm too old (JAG Corps age limit was 42, but I don't know if it's different for paralegals.) Did I really spend $100k+ on an education, only to get a paralegal job? I don't know. I am thinking that one of my questions to the recruiter, is asking about a career path to the JAG Corps. And I won't be mentioning my thyroid!

So Am I Crazy? And I mean more that before?

(P.S. This is totally unrelated, but I was flipping through the stations as I was writing this, and Dr. Rey (from Dr. 90210) is on HSN, shilling his underwear/shapewear, and I find it incredibly obnoxious that he is wearing scrubs-type clothing and a FUCKING STETHOSCOPE! Is it me or does anyone else think that is so arrogant and obnoxious? I hate Dr. Rey. He's such an asshole.)

My Life To-Do List

About 7 or 8 years ago, I had put together a list of things I wanted to do or accomplish in my life. A "life to-do list" of sorts. Unfortunately, my computer crashed and I ended up losing everything on my hard drive, so I don't have the list anymore. I have often wanted to make up another one, but for some reason, I never have. Until now. :) Some of the things I remember on the list are things I've done -- namely, having a baby and graduating from law school.

I'll have to update this from time to time, when I think of new things...but here it goes for now.

1. Places I want to travel to: Paris, London, Los Angeles, New York, Key West
2. Become a really good cook
3. See U2 in concert
4. Get a kitten
5. Run a marathon

Well, that's all I can think of for now. I wonder how many of these I'll actually do before I croak?

In Case You Were Wondering...

In case you were wondering how I celebrated my birthday:

Family Celebration: included a pizza dinner at The Alibi (my choice) and dinner with Dad, Mome, Husband and Daughter. My dad spent the entire dinner talking about himself (nothing new there) and my mom spent the entire dinner telling him that no one gives a shit about what he's talking about (once again, nothing new there) -- which was only about 40% correct, considering Husband was asking him questions and I was listening with one of my ears (the other was listening to my mother). Daughter spent the entire dinner being a 5-year-old, and the highpoint was when I ate an antipasto salad. You may remember I think I have a stomach issue with lettuce, so I was really walking on the ledge with that. I ended the night NOT shitting my brains out (excuse me for saying, but I had to), which I consider a win. :) Maybe the lettuce thing was a phase?

Friend Celebration: Shannon, Jody and I went karaoke-ing at a new bar. I promptly got shit-faced (not sloppy, but enough to be feeling like life was good) and here's what I sang:

1) Add it Up (Violent Femmes)
2) Save a Horse, Ride a Cowboy (Big and Rich) -- duet with Shannon
3) Don'cha (Pussycat Dolls) -- also a duet with Shannon

Some highlights -- Shannon brought her hula hoop and it was a barn burner! That hoop brings more attention that if I were to rip off my shirt and run around the place topless. Also, some random guy (who was drunk, I am assuming) came up to me and shook my hand after "Add It Up" and said something like "I suppose it only goes as far as a handshake" or something similar. EWWWW. Fuck off!

Mark showed up about 11:30, which was fun. He works with Shannon and is one of the funniest people I've ever met. He's like 60 years old and acts like he's 13. HYSTERICAL. I love him.

Overall, it was a decent night. I had a good time and it was fun to get out and get drunk and sing some Femmes. Here's looking at #38.....!

Happy Birthday to Me

Yeah...not really. I'm not in the Mood.

Today I am another year older. Last night I nearly had a nervous breakdown (not really, but go with me on this for a minute) at the thoughts of what this past year has given me, and at the thought of what I want this new year to bring me.

So in no particular order, here is what My 36th year gave me:

1. I took the bar exam (twice)

2. I got fired from my job and lost a good friend in the process (or at least I thought she was a good friend)

3. I nearly called it quits on my marriage

4. I got into a car accident

Sorry -- I can't think of anything positive that I got out of 36. And here is what I am hoping that 37 brings me:

1. Passing the bar exam (and hopefully, not having to take that exam YET AGAIN)

2. A fabu new job that gives me more time to spend with my family, a sense of satisfaction, and preferably, one that I can either do out of my house or at least close to it

3. Sticking to a new exercise/diet plan (excuse me, "healthy lifestyle")

I am also spending a lot of time thinking about getting older. I went to the eye doctor last week to get checked out and I was telling the doctor how I have a little bit of trouble reading small print -- and believe me, that was hard enough saying out loud, because I definitely do not want to have to wear bifocals...ugh. Anyway, she said something to the effect that usually that type of thing starts to happen at 40 and I'm a little too young for it to start now...and her saying that felt like a slap in the face because I am closer to 40 now than 30, and it just sort of freaked me out. And don't get me wrong, it's not that I think 40 is OLD or something, because I don't, I just never thought of myself as being a 40-year-old. I mean -- think about it. It's totally throwing me for a loop. I can't wait to see the nervous breakdown I have when I actually DO turn 40. It should be an interesting birthday, that's for sure.

I don't know why I am being such a douchebag about this whole birthday thing. I always loved celebrating my birthday, why is this year so different? My birthday was always my favorite day of the year -- the one day of the year that was all about ME. The focus was on me and how fabulous I am. This year, I just want to crawl under a rock. Why? I wish I had an answer.

One of the things that made me the saddest was going to the mailbox today and the only birthday card that was there was one from Art Van -- "come buy some furniture, and here's a birthday coupon!" But I know that my family and friends will all give me a card when I see them, but somehow that logic didn't matter when I went through the mail. WTF is wrong with me today? I think I am going to get drunk at my birthday dinner with my family tonight. Nothing like a few cocktails to make you feel better, right???

You Know What I Love?

The Addams' Family, that's what. I was reminded how much I love that TV show yesterday, when I was flipping through the channels and came across the "Biography" station. The featured biography was Carolyn Jones, better known as Morticia Addams.

My love of the Addams Family dates back to when I was a kid and my dad introduced me to all the the 1960s, cheesy TV shows -- namely, the Addams Family and The Munsters. It was love at first sight as far as I was concerned regarding the Addams' (I won't even go into how The Addams Family is far superior to The Munsters...or at least not at this time). I mean -- Gomez, Morticia, Uncle Fester, Cousin Itt, Grandmama, Lurch, Thing...I loved them all.

I haven't had the pleasure of watching any old reruns in a long time. When Pete and I moved into our house 11 years ago, we had a satellite dish (you know, one of those really HUGE ones where you're neighbors think you're some freak because you have this giant thing in your backyard)? Oh yeah, we had it. Because cable sucked back then. Anyway, the dish picked up TV Land (which was not on cable at the time) and they used to show the re-runs of The Addams Family. I was thrilled to death when I was able to watch the Addams' on a daily basis...sigh.

Just to give you a rundown of why I love the show, here's some brief comments:

Gomez: The man is a lawyer who gets joy out of losing his cases. A crazy eccentric, he loves smoking cigars, blowing up model trains and is madly in love with Morticia. What is not to love about Gomez? Between the crazy eyes and the pinstriped suit and the indoor gymnastics...for some reason Gomez always reminded me of my dad. There is a bit of a resemblance, but I don't know what else makes me think of my dad. Maybe it's because he introduced me to the show? Pete and I once saw the episode where Gomez ran for Mayor. That definitely reminded me of my dad with all the politics. :)

Morticia: I swear, one of these days I am going to get me a Morticia dress. The lady was hot in that crazy get-up. I loved when she fed her venus flytrap plan ground beef, and that she cut the heads off her roses. And I loved that when she spoke French, Gomez would go crazy like they were on a first date or something. "Tish! You spoke French...!" (grabbing her arm and kissing it all the way up. CLASSIC.

Other odds and ends: Wednesday's Marie Antionette doll (with guillotine accessory), Lurch and the harpsicord, the noose that the family would ring when wanting to summond Lurch, handy-dandy Thing and his helpful lending-a-hand, Uncle Fester and the light bulbs, the bearskin rug that growled...

All of this makes me wonder: WHY IN THE FUCK DON'T I OWN THIS SHOW ON DVD???

I'm Not in the Mood

I can't believe it's August 4th already. This summer has flown by. I guess it doesn't help that I have spent 2/3 of the summer studying. :( Ugh. I don't even want to get into The Bar Exam. It was a complete and total nightmare, and I had a complete and total MELT-DOWN last Tuesday night, which ended with me getting slightly drunk and crying myself to sleep because I was convinced I am a total failure. My losing my job doesn't help that thought either.

I am in such a crabby mood this evening, I want to scream at someone. I am frustrated in this whole job search because I have no fucking clue what direction to go in, and Pete keeps applying to jobs for me (doesn't bother to tell me, thankyouverymuch) and he is of the feeling that I should just GET A JOB. Doesn't matter what, just GET A JOB. I, of course, have a completely opposite attitude about it -- I am looking for the perfect job. He makes me insane. Everything lately makes me insane.

When am I going to catch a break? It doesn't help that my birthday is next week. This is the first year that I can remember dreading my birthday. Usually, I'm all over it. I'm excited. It's a day all about me, right? This year, I just want to crawl under a rock and have it be done already. I don't know if it is because I am getting older or because I am unemployed or if it's just a combination of everything. I know I am sounding all "poor me" -- but seriously.

I am just not in the mood to look for the silver lining tonight. Frig.

I Bid You Adieu, Randy Pausch

I opened up Yahoo this fine day, and saw that Randy Pausch passed away today from cancer. He was 47.

I first noticed this man when someone I know sent me an email link to his "Last Lecture", which was posted on YouTube -- and gained national attention because he was featured on Oprah. I usually rarely watch video clips people send me, especially when I have no idea what they are about. For some reason, I decided to watch this one. I won't go into the lecture, because if you really want to find our more you can read his obituary articles or even go to YouTube and look him up for yourself.

The whole point of my post is that I remember watching this clip and being moved by it, mostly because he remined me that life is short, unfair, cruel and could end at any moment. I'm not trying to be morbid here, but it's a fact. I was also moved because he has three small children, and when I say small -- I want to guess they are all under the age of 5. Being a mother, reading about his death made me very sad that his children will grow up and will not know him. Of course, I won't know him either and for all I know he could have been a real asshole. But my gut says he was a decent person who appeared to really love his children, his wife, his family -- and now that family will have to continue their lives without him.

Randy Pausch's death reminded me of when my friend Sandy died (September 11, 2002). I remember the date because it was "September 11th" and also because I was pregnant at the time. At the time of her death, Sandy was 33 and had two small children. And when I say small, her daughter was not quite 2 years old and her son was around 9 months old. I was sad for Sandy's children the same way that I am sad for Randy's Pausch's children. No one should have to grow up without either parent. I can't even imagine what that must be like.

All of this just makes me think of Daughter and how deep my feelings go for that kid. I love her so much it hurts and makes me scared. Scared in a way where now I see all the dangers in the world, from "look both ways before you cross the street" to "don't talk to strangers, even when they tell you mommy said it's ok or that they want you to see their new kitten". Danger is everywhere and it's my job as a parent to safeguard her from those dangers that she is too innocent to see. Sure Sandy's children have their dad and all of their extended family, and Randy Pausch's kids have their mom and all of their extended family. But their built-in protectors are down by 1.

It's a damn shame. I will be spending some of my time today thinking about Sandy and Randy Pausch and reflecting on my job as a parent and how I can make every second count when it comes to my daughter.

You Know Who I Love?

Nine Inch Nails, that's who. Specifically, Trent Reznor.

Listening to NIN always takes me back to happier times -- my college days -- and reminds me of my best friend from college, Laura.

I remember the times when Laura and I would put on our flannel shirts, matte lipstick and our black biker jackets (I still have mine somewhere) and go bar-hopping to places like The Shelter. Or go tooling around in her VW Rabbit. I was so into grunge music -- the whole Nirvana-Lalapalloza-Doc Martens-Flannel-wearing attitude. Yes, my friends, your pink-loving friend used to own a few flannel shirts. Believe it or not. I swear on my copy of "Nevermind". And you better get that reference or we are going to have to break up. Times were so fun back then. She is the one who introduced me to NIN and for that, I'm eternally grateful.

I also remember the time when Laura came to my house and we were outside with my little brother, and he saw Laura's NIN sticker on the back of her Rabbit..."What does N, I, backwards-N mean?" UH...DUHHHHHH. Nine Inch Nails, Dumbass! As if!

But back to Trent Reznor. Have you seen him lately? Who knew that behind that "I-was-Marilyn-Manson-before-Marilyn-Manson-existed" was a hot piece of angry man beef? I mean seriously, y'all. Look at him. Go ahead. I won't judge you if you stare. I promise.

So thank you, Trent Reznor, for all the angry music, and especially for getting that membership to Gold's Gym. The world is certainly a better place for the ears AND the eyes.

Things You Should Never...

Say to me while I'm on my period (in no particular order):

1. You're wearing THAT?
2. You should change your shirt.
3. You should change your shoes.
4. Any statement that sounds like "You should change [fill in here] today."
5. Actually, any statement that starts with "You should..." I know what YOU should do. You should shut the fuck up and be happy I have let you live another day.
6. You have too much makeup on.
7. You need to put more makeup on.
8. You seem emotional today.
9. You're overreacting.
10. What's your problem?

JUST DON'T TALK TO ME UNTIL MY PERIOD IS OVER, OK? Especially if you have some dumb-ass thing to say to me that in your mind is "I'm only trying to help." Because I don't want to hear what you think today. Actually, I don't want to hear what you think ANY DAY, but ESPECIALLY when I'm on my period. Oh, and don't ask me if I am going to eat that (because I am) and if I have exercised today (because I haven't and I'm not going to). Leave me alone.

Someone You Should Check Out (if you haven't already)

This is Demetri Martin. He's HILARIOUS. Or at least I think so. It's difficult to explain his stand-up style, but he draws pictures, uses flip charts, and also plays the guitar and piano. I am not explaining it very well, but he's DARN FUNNY. Here's his official website. I urge you to check him out. If you'd like to read some of his quotes, click here. It doesn't hurt he's adorable in that 20-something way. :)

Some Days It's Just Not Worth Getting Out of Bed

I got into a car accident today. UGH. No one was hurt, but what a day. I was on my way home from running some errands, and I was in the far right lane coming up on a light, getting ready to turn right, and someone was turning left into something to the right of me and I ran right into the side of his pickup truck. The whole front end of my car was smashed and I have to take it in for service tomorrow. It was a waste of an afternoon.

Once the police came, the cop told the guy I ran into it was his fault (which I secretly did a little dance inside about, because at first when we pulled into the area where we parked our cars, the guy jumped out of his truck and tried to chew me out -- which let me tell you, I was having none of. I get enough shit at home from the one I'm married to, I'm not about to let some strange guy give me a hassle). Anyway, I did get a ticket for "not having car insurance" since I didn't have that stupid-ass piece of paper in my car with the up-to-date info on it. Which pissed me off because it's like a $250 ticket, but on the bright side -- the cop decided not to write me the ticket for not having my registration in my car (another stupid-ass piece of paper I was missing).

So while this all was happening, Husband was at the movies with Daughter -- they went to go see Indiana Jones. So after the diabacle of the afternoon, I drove my now-ghetto-looking piece home and waiting for the chewing out to begin once Prince Charming got home. He didn't disappoint.

1. Despite the accident not being my fault, it was my fault according to him --even though he wasn't there -- because "I don't pay attention" when I drive. Really? REALLY? Because I get in so many accidents (this is my second accident in the fucking 20+ years I've been driving-- oh, and that one WASN'T MY FAULT either. Some lady rear ended me).

2. He just told me yesterday to "be careful" -- and there I went today, not being careful.

3. He hopes we don't have to pay the deductible because "we don't have it." And my personal favorite -- brace yourself --

5. We can never get ahead, because it's always something.

Yes, I ruined his day. Nevermind, I WAS THE ONE IN THE ACCIDENT. Nevermind, he never once asked me if I was OK. Nevermind, that the shit wasn't my fault. Nevermind, that it's MY FUCKING RIDE I am without now, and I probably will be without it for a few weeks. Oh no. Nevermind that. This was just one more example of how I try to make his life miserable. Of course I did it on purpose, right?

I ended up borrowing my dad's Mustang, so at least my "loaner" car is something I'll have fun driving. Although I wanted to poke my dad's eyeballs out when he said that I couldn't put the top down and to drive carefully. :)

Some days its just not worth getting out of bed.

You Know What I Love?

The TV show, "Scrubs". Apparently, I have been living under a rock for the past 7-8 years, because this show has been on and I've been missing it! Oh, I guess a little thing called "law school" and "studying for the bar" have cut into my TV time....

The writing on this show is awesome. It's hilarious.

I love Dr. Cox -- talking to J.D., "Look Joanie...." "See here, Mary...."

and Dr. Kelso, whose crabbiness is comical and his constant fights with Dr. Cox and the janitor are awesome.

And Eliot...what can be said about her? I want to be her friend...I want to call her and chat about her day and all the clumsy-awful things that happen to her, and tell her that she's a good person and yes, your mother is crazy.

And J.D? I think he's too cute for words -- I love his nurotic-ness and his innocence. And he's got nice hair. :) What's not to love?

The co-stars are even fabulous. Especially Todd. That guy cracks me up. I am going to have to catch up through NetFlix on the eight-or-whatever-many number of seasons there are, because WGN and Comedy Central are just not satisfying my fix!

Proof I Could Never Be Gay

Daaaaammmmnnn. Yes, I'm sorry -- another David Beckham post. I know I am too old to lust after celebrities...but seriously. HE'S FREAKIN' HOT. You could bounce a quarter off those abs! I mean it...LOOK AT THEM. LOOK IF YOU DARE!

I Bid You Adieu...George Carlin

It's taken me a couple of days to post about George Carlin, who left this world on Sunday, June 22, at the age of 71 from heart failure. Now, I LOVE me some George Carlin. He is in my top 3 of all-time favorite comedians. Pete and I were fortunate enough to see him live twice -- once in Vegas, and once at the Detroit Opera House. Both times we saw him in concert, I laughed so hard I couldn't catch my breath and I was crying -- tears streaming down my face (and Pete's too).

I was SO sad to hear that he passed because not only I'll personally miss seeing him in concert or in movies, but because this world has lost one of the best observers of life -- he was a genius. The man CHANGED HISTORY. Need I even mention the "seven dirty words" routine that prompted the case that went to the U.S. Supreme Court and helped define the difference between obsenity and indecency? (and was a pretty darn great stand up routine in itself) He had a way of making everday things and everyday words funny, in a way that Jerry Seinfeld could only hope to do someday. One of my favorites was his discription of the word "near-miss", which George said, "Isn't it really a 'near-hit'? A 'near-miss' would be a crash." TRUE THAT.

So for your reading enjoyment, here are some of my favorite GC quotes:

When cheese gets it's picture taken, what does it say?

Men are from Earth, women are from Earth. Deal with it.

I recently went to a new doctor and noticed he was located in something called the Professional Building. I felt better right away.

Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity.

OH, and my #1 favorite quote (from the show I saw in Vegas...he opened the show with this little gem): "You know what people don't talk about? Pussy farts." I thought I was going to die laughing.

Ahhh, George...I will miss you! That motherfucker was one fucking funny asshole. :)

If you want to give yourself a treat, run out to the bookstore immediately and buy all of the books he has written. You will be laughing hysterically before reaching the second chapter.

And if you want to read up on the history that is GC, check out the article about him on Wikipedia here.

You Know Who I Love?

Yeah...David Beckham. And do I even need to say more? I can't wait for the new Armani underwear ads to come out so I can drool some more. That Posh Spice is some lucky spice...DAMN.

My Brother

I have a brother who is 9 years younger than me, and his 28th birthday is tomorrow. Partly due to the age difference -- we are not very close. The other reasons why we are not close -- my mother plays favorites (I'm her favorite) and made sure while he was growing up to remind him how "perfect" I am, and how not-perfect he is. Another reason we don't get along -- he's basically a dipshit...I mean, I can't help but love the kid because he's my brother, but he makes the worst choices when it comes to his life at every turn, seriously should be on some meds because he has been diagnoised as bi-polar disorder, and is just a mess. And mess is an understatment.

So the reason I am writing this post about him is that he has asked me to post some stuff on eBay for him because he does not have internet connection at home...and I haven't had time to do it because I'm working, studying, being a mom -- basically, living my life. So it being his birthday tomorrow, I was thinking about him and how I haven't posted his stuff so I sent him a text and told him that I would try and get the stuff out there this week and I wished him a happy birthday too. He immediately tried to call me back (and I don't feel like talking) so he texted back and said that he's losing his job (which my mom told me last week) and that he loves me.

Which made me feel incredibly sad.

Sad because we're not close, sad because he's so pathetic. Sad because he's losing his job and he's already living in the ghetto, sad because he has this wonderful fiancee who he treats like shit (she adores him). Sad because he says he loves me but says nasty things about me behind my back. And sad because it's just sad.

*sigh*

Body for Life: T minus 24 hours

Husband and I have decided to try the "Body for Life" lifestyle, beginning tomorrow. I have spent a great deal of time this weekend preparing for this change, meaning I have planned meals, bought protien shakes/bars, planned workouts. I am excited to start -- and I haven't felt much excitement over weight loss in a while.

I have decided to commit myself to "Body for Life" because I really need to do something. I am not happy with my physical appearance, and haven't been for a very long time (dare I say -- nearly my whole life) and I am starting to feel the little aches and pains one that is overweight is bound to feel. I really want to be a success at this, and I know it's going to take a 100% commitment on my part. Like, NO MORE half-assing my way through life. It has gotten me nowhere.

In other news, I met with SG today to review my Bar essay questions from February. She gave me some really good advice about how to tackle the questions this go around. It would seem I have a problem fully fleshing out the analysis of the rules in the question -- I am spotting the issues correctly -- but my analysis is lacking. I am going to work on some essays and email them to her soon, so that we can discuss them over email. I am planning to do a couple this week. I also need to focus on studying Contracts and Civ Pro more -- my weakest areas. I thought our meeting today was very helpful and I feel very hopeful -- overall, I am feeling very positive about passing the bar this time.

I Am Convinced I Have A.D.D.

You would think that at this point in my life (I am 2 months shy of blowing out 37 -- ugh -- candles on my birthday cake) that I would have my shit together. Nothing could be further from reality, unforch. I can't concentrate on most things and am distracted easily. Like this is a prime example -- I am posting this instead of studying for the BAR that is in 6 weeks. I feel like most days I fly by the seat of my pants and it's like I arrive at my various destinations on a wing and a prayer.

I forget most everything -- even things someone told me 5 minutes ago. I don't know if it's that I am not paying attention -- although, I DO pay attention. There's just some sort of thing going on internally that doesn't "click" when it is supposed to, I think.

Shannon recommends I go to the doctor and get on some meds like ritalin or something. The ironic thing is that I usually forget to make the doctor's appointment. How is that for The Ultimate Ironies of Ironies for a Sufferer of ADD? I would cry if it wasn't so hysterical.

Graph Jam

My friend, SG has a blog. I was checking it today and ran across the website, http://graphjam.com/ that has songs, sayings, bits of life -- all graphed in funny ways. Here's one that makes me think of one of my pet peeves -- bad grammar. I guess the geeky English major in me will NEVER DIE!



more graph humor and song chart memes

Those Wacky Russians

http://news.yahoo.com/nphotos/Russian-spa-unveils-enema-monument-Russian-Caucasus-Mountains-region/ss/events/hl/062008enemamonument/s:/ap/20080620/ap_on_fe_st/russia_enema_monument/im:/080619/481/2259853291e741a489f12a1aa5fbe4d6/;_ylt=At9.EQqPqzQrL6uKGcTy4nMu

Seriously??

You Know Who I Love?

Kathy Griffin, that's who. That woman is HYSTERICAL. I heard her on The Howard Stern Show this morning and was laughing all the way to work. She is going on tour, and I just happened to check her schedule a few minutes ago after telling Shannon about her being on Howard this morning -- she's making a stop here. I'm so excited and I'm buying tickets and I can't wait. Shannon and I are going and it's going to be a BLAST. I love Kathy because she loves the gays and keeps up on all the celeb goss that is so fun to make fun of. I love love love her! Her show -- Life on the D-List -- the new season starts tonight on Bravo and I'm gonna try and tune in (although I should be studying). This is yet another reminder that I do not own a TiVo!

Now Here's Something You Don't See Everday...

http://news.yahoo.com/nphotos/huge-tornado-funnel-cloud-touches-down-Orchard-Iowa-Tuesday-June/photo//080613/480/e06645fc489a4e70987e27c3d9f6e4cc/;_ylt=ArnrBDgI04plxOq2gBtaNAoDW7oF


My thoughts:
Who has time to take a picture when there is a freakin' tornado RIGHT OUTSIDE YOUR DOOR? I mean -- this woman had to actually FIND her camera, OPEN her door or go to a window or whatever (and aren't you supposed to stay away from windows during a tornado??) then TAKE the picture. Unbelieveable. Thanks for risking your life for a photo op. Hope it was worth it (and the fact that I'm even talking about it must be proof that it was).

First of Many...Or at least I hope...

I decided today to start this blog as a means of not only recording the things that are happening in my life, but to also use it for therapeutic purposes. So I guess here goes nothing...

Today was rather uneventful. Work was busy, but I am (dare I say it) enjoying reviewing contracts. I know I haven't been given any of the real ugly ones yet, but it's sort of interesting trying to figure the puzzle of the agreement out, so to speak.

I am really tired tonight, so I don't think I am going to get any studying in. I will try and make up for my slacking tomorrow night. I made the decision this week that I have already passed the Bar, so all that has to happen is take the test. I know I am going to pass it this time -- and I am not just saying it to convince myself -- it's happening.

Husband was fine today. He spent nearly an hour today (while I was at work, nevermind) telling me work stories -- just like the "old days". I don't really take that as a sign things are getting better, I just take it as a sign that he really felt like talking.

Well, this was a boring post. Honestly, I don't have anything funny or interesting to say today. That's a first.